IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people say that sports play an important role in the development of society. Others think it is nothing more than a leisure activity. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #sports #role #development #society #leisure #activity
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Social disputation about the level of importance of
sports
Use synonyms
 to
society
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 development has been widely discussed, one party reckons that
sports
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is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 simply a recreational purpose with limited usefulness to
society
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whereas
Linking Words
 another disagrees,
this
Linking Words
 essay will illustrate both sides with distinct support. For many years,
sports
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 have been considered only an activity for fun and decompressing for the majority of the time, especially when the modern world is mostly constructed and enhanced by technological development. The excessive emphasis on
sports
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 could lead to a neglect of what is truly essential for the community
such
Linking Words
 as science.
For instance
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, the greatest invention in the scientific field is mostly conducted by people who study hard on their research,
such
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 as Tesla, who invented converted electricity which had an enormous positive impact on
society
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,
However
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, inventors who make
such
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 great contributions are not commonly deemed to be athletic.
On the contrary
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, members believe that sport weighs prodigiously in modern
society
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. When youngsters are unable to focus on study,
sports
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 activity could help to reduce fatigue, as for the ones who are ungifted with books,
sports
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 offer them a different chance to succeed, Which leads to a reduction of future poverty.
Moreover
Linking Words
, is beneficial to elder people's health.
For example
Linking Words
, a proper amount of exercise helps reduce the possibility of cardiovascular disease.
On the other hand
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,
sports
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 provide a platform to facilitate cooperation between countries.
For instance
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, international tournaments like the Olympics not only provide a peaceful atmosphere for countries to communicate
,
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apply
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 but
also
Linking Words
 enhance the adhesion of unity within one nation's
society
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. In conclusion, the arguments about whether
sports
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 should be accountable for a pivotal position in social community is still in discussion,
However
Linking Words
, the willingness to depict a better community for both members is unanimous.
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logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has one clear main idea to enhance logical structure. Use topic sentences effectively to signal the main idea of each paragraph.
relevant specific examples
Include more specific examples that directly support the points being made. This can help clarify your position and provide stronger support for your argument.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on expanding ideas more comprehensively. For each idea introduced, explain it thoroughly in relation to the thesis to maintain a clear and detailed argument.
introduction conclusion present
You have introduced and concluded your essay well, which helps the reader understand your position and the scope of your discussion.
complete response
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt, addressing both views and offering your opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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