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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Nowadays, it is believed that competing in different aspects of life is better than cooperating.
While
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, Competing against each other could benefit us in some respects, in my opinion, the advantages of cooperation outweigh racing against each other. In
this
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 essay, I'm going to discuss both and outline my view.
To begin
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, I believe that we should not compete with each other as it can have adverse impacts on our lives. First and foremost, having the view of racing with each other, ultimately results in several conflicts, anxiety and sometimes despair and demotivation.
For instance
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, consider the fierce competition in a classroom. The majority of students show moderate outcomes and several of them study with the highest level of productivity which might lead to a target for disruptive students with bad intentions.
As a result
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, the naughty ones might be angry
due to
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 their lack of knowledge or some might be demotivated
as a result
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 of feeling disappointed.
This
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 could be extended
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 other environments,
such
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 as the workplace and our private lives.
However
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, collaborating with others can bring us numerous benefits.
Firstly
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, it fosters a positive environment, which leads to gaining a sense of feeling an integral part of a team because individuals in
this
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 way know each other better and find common ground to cooperate.
Secondly
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, collaboration can boost productivity, especially in the workplace and learning environments. People share their interests and different perspectives, on which discuss and address issues , resulting in different solutions for problems.
Furthermore
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, it boosts confidence and paves the way for those who are feeling alone.
Therefore
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, through collaboration, they are able to express their views and share their interests which ultimately heal them.
To sum up
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, cooperation with each other not only is rewarding but
also
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 fosters positive and fair competition among individuals.
While
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 others have the view that competing against each other is beneficial, I partly believe collaborating results in countless advantages.

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or evidence to strengthen your argument about the drawbacks of competition.
coherence cohesion
Ensure to include a balanced view by equally discussing both competition and cooperation.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing and summarizing the argument.
task achievement
You addressed the topic well by discussing both sides and providing your opinion, which shows task completion.
task achievement
There is good use of language and a range of vocabulary, enhancing the clarity and readability of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • innovation
  • productivity
  • excel
  • outperform
  • advancements
  • academic standards
  • work ethic
  • stress
  • anxiety
  • unhealthy rivalries
  • harmonious
  • supportive
  • collaborative learning
  • social skills
  • communication skills
  • sense of community
  • collective goals
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