IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

People living in rural
areas
Use synonyms
 tend to move out of their hometowns and decide to live in urban
areas
Use synonyms
, which is happening worldwide, causing a decrease in the population of the countryside. I personally think that
this
Linking Words
 has both benefits and drawbacks in about equal measure. One of the benefits of
this
Linking Words
 trend is that accepting more folks into populated places can bring
further
Linking Words
 economic growth to the sites as a whole.
For instance
Linking Words
, nowadays, in Japan, more and more foreign visitors travel to Japan, especially to major places
such
Linking Words
 as Tokyo and Osaka, and a large
number
Use synonyms
 of industries , including hotels and tourism, desperately need more workers to deal with a dearth of employees. Under
such
Linking Words
 conditions, it is key for big cities to welcome more residents from rural regions to maintain the economy.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, with a fall in the
number
Use synonyms
 of the rural population, there will be a problem which can be harmful , particularly to old people. If the majority of citizens decide to move out of their regions, there will be nobody who can take care of the elderly, which might become a heavier burden for caregivers, as the
number
Use synonyms
 of elderly people who need to be taken care of could rise.
In addition
Linking Words
, more hospitals in the countryside might have to deal with numerous elderly citizens who used to be looked after by their families. Some statistics show that there was a 40% increase in the
number
Use synonyms
 of elderly folks who needed to be taken care of by caregivers after the Tokyo Olympics started to recruit more staff and younger residents moved out of their
areas
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I believe that
this
Linking Words
 development will be both beneficial for urban
areas
Use synonyms
 in terms of workforce and detrimental for the elderly and caregivers to the same extent.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to add more clear examples for each point to make your arguments stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your sentences connect logically. Using linking words can help readers follow your ideas more easily.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion on the topic, which is good.
task achievement
You provide a balanced view of the positives and negatives, which shows good understanding of the question.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
What to do next:
Look at other essays: