IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

More individuals in geographically isolated
areas
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 tend to relocate to urban
areas
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, which is happening worldwide, causing a decrease in the population of the countryside. I personally think that
this
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 has both benefits and drawbacks in about equal measure. On the one hand, relocating to large cities may allow rural residents, especially the younger generation, to pursue their instrumental career and deeper academics, which might be less achievable in those isolated locations.
This
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 is attributed to the diverse and obtainable resources that metropolitan districts possess. To exemplify
this
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, recent studies indicate that in Tokyo, 70% of citizens from rural
areas
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 reported greater satisfaction with higher compensation and health insurance after moving out of their hometowns.
On the other hand
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,
this
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 phenomenon can simultaneously jeopardise the welfare of elderly residents. An exodus of dwellers in remote towns means that there might occur a dearth of employees in a variety of workplaces, particularly in medical institutions and social welfare corporations.
As a consequence
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, owing to the shortage of workers, the remaining citizens might have to deal with the additional burden.
For example
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,
according to
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 some statistics conducted by the Korean authorities in 2020, the average percentage of overtime work of doctors in Busan increased roughly 30% in five years after the capital city, Seoul, promoted a campaign to expand opportunities for employment. In conclusion, an increasing number of people are moving to metropolitan
areas
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 in numerous countries in the world. In my opinion,
this
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 development will be both beneficial for youngsters in urban cities to achieve their long–term goals and detrimental for the elderly to the same extent.

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task response
Your view is clear and you show both sides. Start with the main idea in the first line.
coherence
Keep one idea per paragraph and do not mix ideas in the same part.
task achievement
Give one strong example for each point and keep facts simple and true.
grammar
Fix small grammar and use plain words. Short sentences help.
coherence
Use linking words like also, but, however to connect ideas smoothly.
strength
Shows view on both sides of the issue.
strength
Uses place examples to back ideas.
structure
Has a clear structure: intro, two body and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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