IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

in many countries around the world, rural people are moving to the ceties so the population of the countryside is decreasing. do you think this is a positive or negative development?

These days a huge group of
countryside
Use synonyms
 citizens are moving to
cities
Use synonyms
 for many reasons. So, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe
that is
Linking Words
 a negative change,
While
Linking Words
 others think that
this
Linking Words
 development makes sense.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both sides and will draw my personal conclusion. On one hand, some perspectives tend to see the movement process as an issue.
As a result
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
 movement, the
countryside
Use synonyms
 will be out of labourers who help the local economy by using natural resources,
such
Linking Words
 as farms,
rivers
Correct word choice
and rivers
show examples
.., in order to increase the gross domestic product.
In addition
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, rural
people
Use synonyms
's movement will cause a large crowd in the
cities
Use synonyms
.
Also
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 will lead us to have
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
accommodation cries in the
cities
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
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, the rental prices will increase.
For instance
Linking Words
, if
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 am a real state supplier, and I notice that the demand on my real state increased,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will try to gain as much as
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 can!
On the other hand
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rural
people
Use synonyms
 have a full right to select what
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 appropriate for them. As we know, the
income
Use synonyms
averege
Correct your spelling
average
 in the
cities
Use synonyms
 is higher than
countryside
Use synonyms
for
Change preposition
due to
show examples
 many factors
such
Linking Words
 as the existence of
a large companies
Correct the article-noun agreement
large companies
a large company
show examples
 in the
cities
Use synonyms
, that will lead to create a huge work opportunities in the
cities
Use synonyms
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
than
what
Change preposition
in what
show examples
countryside
Use synonyms
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
. All of us aim to achieve high
income
Use synonyms
as well as
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he
Correct pronoun usage
we
show examples
 can, so, we can not ask
countryside
Use synonyms
 citizens to keep their places.
For example
Linking Words
, let emaigen that a worker received a work opportunity in the city
represent
Wrong verb form
representing
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
double
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
his current
income
Use synonyms
 in the
countryside
Use synonyms
, It does not make sense if he decides to ignore
this
Linking Words
 golden chance to keep a perfect population distribution. In conclusion, after analysis of both points
view
Change preposition
of view
show examples
, I thought that both of them have an aspect of truth. In my opinion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that the government should show its commitment
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 achieving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economic stability by
divide
Change the verb form
dividing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
working opportunities in fair ways.
For instance
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, encourage the
larg
Correct your spelling
large
larger
 companies to invest in the
countryside
Use synonyms
 and offer good deals to them in order to enhance the workers'
income
Use synonyms
 in the
countryside
Use synonyms
.

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coherence cohesion
Strengthen your paragraphs by ensuring each one clearly supports your main argument and flows logically from one to the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your points, enhancing the relevance of your ideas to the essay question.
language use
Refine your language use to improve clarity. Some grammatical errors and awkward phrasing can be corrected to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a strong framework for your essay.
task achievement
You address both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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