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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy ni 20 and projections for 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below give information on the ages of the populations of Yemen and Italy ni 20 and projections for 2050. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The two pairs of pie charts present the information of the population of two different countries,
Yemen
Use synonyms
 and Italy, respectively. The given time period is from 2000 and the future estimation of 2050.
Overall
Linking Words
, it can be seen that three different
age
Use synonyms
 groups from 15-
59
Change preposition
to 59
show examples
years
Use synonyms
 are rising in Italy as compared to
Yemen
Use synonyms
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of 0 to 14
years
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 more than Italy.
Moreover
Linking Words
, people of
60
Correct article usage
the 60
show examples
 plus
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 will slightly increase in
Yemen
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 Italy will see a sharp
rise
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
. Both countries will see
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
rise
Use synonyms
 in
15
Correct article usage
the 15
show examples
-59
years
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 of people in the next five decades where
Yemen
Use synonyms
 represented 46.3
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2000, which will see a
rise
Use synonyms
 in 2050
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
growing to 57.3
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in 2000 same
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 remained at 61.6
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, which covers more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
half of the data,
while
Linking Words
 it will see a sharp decline in 2050 at 46.2
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. In both countries,
60+
Correct article usage
the 60+
show examples
years
Use synonyms
age
Use synonyms
group
Use synonyms
 illustrates a considerable difference, like in
Yemen
Use synonyms
starts
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
from
Change preposition
at
show examples
3.6percent
Correct your spelling
3.6 per cent
 in 2000 and will go up by the increase of almost 2
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
at
Change preposition
to
show examples
 5.7
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 only in 2050.
Whereas
Linking Words
, Italy will see a sharp
rise
Use synonyms
 in the same
group
Use synonyms
 of
age
Use synonyms
 from 24.1
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2000 to 42.3
Use synonyms
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 in 2050.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words yemen, age, years, group, rise, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 4 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • population distribution
  • age group
  • young population
  • mature population
  • aging society
  • demographic shift
  • proportion
  • dominant
  • balanced distribution
  • projected increase
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