IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

nowadays many people smoke what causes this and what are effects

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In recent years, the number of people who consume cigarettes has increased drastically
due to
Linking Words
 adults' facing stress at the workplace
as well as
Linking Words
 youngsters' trying to create a better image.
However
Linking Words
, I firmly assert that
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon has adverse effects on people's health and budget.
This
Linking Words
 essay will elucidate both the reasons and the consequences of
this
Linking Words
. A primary factor leading to smoking is stress at the workplace.
This
Linking Words
 arises because employees are given a huge amount of tasks, requiring intensive effort to fulfil in a short time.
For example
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 a study, 90% of office clerks are expected to carry out multitasking including not only forming statistics but
also
Linking Words
 having a good relationship with customers.
As a consequence
Linking Words
 of
this
Linking Words
, people take up smoking, thinking that
this
Linking Words
 approach alleviates their stress. Another reason which is worth mentioning is that the youth smoke in order to imitate adults, thinking that they can demonstrate better images of themselves.
As a result
Linking Words
, youngster have a propensity for smoking to boost their authority in society.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, it is important to recognize that smoking has detrimental effects.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 causes severe health issues
such
Linking Words
 as lung cancer as cigarettes contain various chemicals that damage consumers' respiratory systems.
For instance
Linking Words
, statistics in Kazakhstan show that 30% of smokers lose their lives
due to
Linking Words
 heavy smoking.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, There are economic consequences to smoking, both for individuals, who spend a significant amount on tobacco products, and society, which bears healthcare costs associated with treating smoking-related diseases.
To conclude
Linking Words
 , the primary causes of smoking include stressful workplaces and youngsters' attempts to copy adults.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, I strongly believe that the consequences of
this
Linking Words
 are beyond our control, causing not only severe health issues but
also
Linking Words
 affecting the societies' finances.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph clearly develops a single main idea and logically supports the thesis statement. Your essay is mostly coherent, but focusing on clearer transitions between ideas will enhance coherence.
task achievement
Make sure each part of your response fully addresses the task. Your essay thoroughly discusses causes and effects but could mention counterarguments or additional perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively summarizing the main points and addressing the topic.
task achievement
Strong support for arguments with relevant examples about workplace stress and youth's desire to imitate adults.
task achievement
The introduction clearly states the topic and thesis, setting the stage for a comprehensive discussion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Peer pressure
  • Social influences
  • Tobacco companies
  • Advertising
  • Glamorizes
  • Stress and anxiety
  • Nicotine addiction
  • Dependence
  • Respiratory diseases
  • Heart disease
  • Cancer
  • Life expectancy
  • Secondhand smoke
  • Economic consequences
  • Healthcare costs
  • Premature wrinkles
  • Self-esteem
  • Social relationships
What to do next:
Look at other essays: