In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#cultures #children

It is common these days to witness the growing trend that children are encouraged to make a great effort if they want to manifest anything in various cultures.

Although

this

might bring about a number of advantages, I believe that there are certain disadvantages that can be gained from

this

phenomenon. On the one hand, it is undeniable that persistence is crucial for youngsters to achieve significant objectives.

Firstly

, consistent effort enables minors to overcome challenges, allowing them to gain their desire.

For instance

, Viktor Axelsen has had more than 10 years of training at high intensity, and as a result, he won the gold medal in two consecutive Olympics.

Secondly

, trying hard is beneficial because it helps young people build resilience, making it easier to handle future obstacles. To illustrate, if a student has success in academic performance

due to

investing great effort

Change preposition

show examples

learning, he is able to overcome difficulties when he becomes older.

On the other hand

although

a resilient mind promotes personal development,

this

approach can lead to certain drawbacks. One of them is that persistent endeavours increase the risk of exhaustion and burnout, which are detrimental to both physical and mental health. An epitome that can illustrate excessive practice might cause hyperextension, limiting the movement of young individuals and might cause permanent disability in the worst-case scenario.

Additionally

, striving incessantly may bring about sleep disorders, reducing the productivity of many young people.

As a result

, people who spend a lot of time working may suffer from diseases related to the

nervoussystem

Correct your spelling

nervous system

in the long run. In conclusion,

although

the pursuit of personal objectives is indispensable for youth development, it may entail certain limitations.

Submitted by nguthuongnguyen on Wed Nov 13 2024

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relevant specific examples

Provide specific examples that go beyond well-known figures such as Viktor Axelsen. Consider using a broader range of examples from everyday life or different cultures to support your points more effectively.

clear comprehensive ideas

Develop each idea more thoroughly to ensure the reader fully grasps your perspective. Balance your arguments with equal depth for both advantages and disadvantages.

introduction conclusion present

The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.

logical structure

The structure is logical, with clear demarcation between advantages and disadvantages, making it easy for the reader to follow the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

278 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

Perseverance
Resilience
Self-esteem
Confidence
Goal-setting
Work ethic
Ambitious
Unrealistic expectations
Frustration
Inadequate
Overemphasis
Stress
Pressure
Mental health
Resource availability

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In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In many countries governments are investing in new technology to deal with the public. Why this happening? Do you think this is an appropriate use of government money?

The world has many towns and cities constructed in previous centuries that were more suitable and livable for people in those time than they are now. What problems will this cause ? What can be done to solve these problems ?

Some people think that exercise is the key to health, while others feel that having a balanced diet is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

To learn effecrively, children need to eat a healthy meal at school. How true is this statement? Whose responsibility is it to provide food for school children?

Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problem are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or an negative development?