Once children start school, teachers have more influence than parents on their intellectual and social development To what extent do you agree or disagree?

According to
my comprehension, both teachers and parents play a crucial role in developing a
child’s
analytical skills and social morals. Children are highly impressionable, closely observing and absorbing the words and
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
of their elders, shaping their outlook on the world.
Firstly
, the home environment is the foundation for a
child’s
growth, where they receive
prelimininary
Correct your spelling
preliminary
education. The upbringing provided by
mother
Correct article usage
the mother
show examples
and father significantly influences a
child’s
mindset.
For instance
, a
child’s
moral values are often shaped by
family's
Correct article usage
the family's
show examples
education
proeffiency
Correct your spelling
proficiency
. Generally, children from educated families tend to be more focused on their studies and exhibit better discipline, good manners, and time management skills.
However
, working parents may struggle to dedicate sufficient time to their children, which
is
Verb problem
makes it
show examples
challenging to enhance their intellectual abilities, leaving them more reliant on formal education.
Moreover
, social bonds appear to be diminishing in today’s world. In educational institutions,
infant
Fix the agreement mistake
infants
show examples
interact with peers who possess diverse qualities and backgrounds. Since most kids are of similar age, their
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
tend to influence one another.
Therefore
, it is essential for educational institutions to foster good values and manage disruptive
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
effectively to prevent well-behaved pupils from being negatively impacted.
Additionally
,
school
Add an article
the school
show examples
provides a major platform for
freshman
Fix the agreement mistake
freshmen
show examples
to acquire knowledge from various individuals, enhancing their analytical and learning abilities.
Educator
Fix the agreement mistake
Educators
show examples
is as
Verb problem
are
show examples
the backbone of societal development,
play
Correct word choice
and play
show examples
a vital role in
this
process. Educators are repositories of knowledge who encourage students to solve problems through different approaches, ultimately improving learning patterns and adaptability.
Although
, kids spend a significant portion of time with family members
leads
Verb problem
which is
show examples
a primary influence over their development but teacher's contribution is unforgettable. In conclusion, the combined efforts of parents and teachers are essential in
molding
Change the spelling
moulding
show examples
a
child’s
future, helping them develop into well-rounded and responsible individuals.
Submitted by writing9common on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
There are a few grammar and spelling errors that could be improved, such as 'prelimininary' to 'preliminary' and 'proeffiency' to 'proficiency'. While they don't majorly hinder understanding, correcting them will improve the clarity of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that you consistently use transitions between paragraphs to improve flow. Words like 'furthermore' or 'on the other hand' can help guide the reader through your arguments more smoothly.
Task Achievement
Use more specific examples to illustrate your points. For example, mention a specific study or expert opinion that supports your view on the influence of teachers versus parents.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction clearly outlines your stance on the topic and sets up the argument effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
You conclude effectively, summarizing the main points of the essay, which reinforces your overall argument nicely.
Task Achievement
You have a good balance between discussing both parents’ and teachers’ influence, showing a comprehensive approach to the question.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Structured learning environment
  • Cognitive skills
  • Social interactions
  • Pedagogical techniques
  • Moral values
  • Emotional well-being
  • Complementary roles
  • Academic and social education
  • Individualized attention
  • Life skills training
What to do next:
Look at other essays: