IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

The plans below show a public park when it first opened in 1920 and the same park today.

#plans #show #park #first
The provided plans demonstrate various changes that occurred in Grange
Park
 between 1920 and today. In brief, it is evident that the
park
 underwent multiple, fundamental changes. These transformations include but are not limited to:
construction
Correct article usage
the construction
show examples
 of an amphitheatre for concerts, a children’s play area and a cafe.
Additionally
, a
water
 feature was created. The most significant changes include
such
 things as a total removal of the fountain in the very
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 and the building of a rose garden in its place with seats on each site. The next principal change is the building of the Amphitheatre on the western side of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Grange
Park
. Previously, there was a stage for musicians, which no longer exists.
Furthermore
, a
water
 feature was created on the south-eastern side of the
park
, where a glasshouse was located in the previous century.
Additionally
, near the
water
 feature is now a brand-new children’s playground and a cafe. Back in 1920, there was a pond for
water
 plants and a rose garden.
Submitted by mihailkryukov55 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence-cohesion
Ensure every main idea is fully expanded with supporting details to enhance clarity and depth.
coherence-cohesion
Incorporate a conclusion to summarize the key points and provide a final perspective on the changes.
task-achievement
The essay thoroughly covers the major changes in the park, such as the addition of an amphitheatre and a children's play area.
coherence-cohesion
The information is organized logically, and the changes are clearly presented in a chronological order.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • recreational facilities
  • landscaping
  • naturalistic
  • amenities
  • formal gardens
  • ergonomic
  • symmetric designs
  • inclusive
  • accessible
  • accommodations
  • native plant species
  • societal changes
  • visitor services
  • community events
  • evolution
  • modern playgrounds
  • wildflower meadows
What to do next:
Look at other essays: