Many people believe that the overconsumption of refined sugar is a major problem in the world and should be regulated the same as alcohol and tobacco. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

There is an ongoing debate over how to solve the overconsumption of refined carbohydrates. Many individuals claim that it ought not to be regulated the same as alcohol and tobacco,
while
I mostly disagree with
this
point of view. Admittedly, proponents of the idea that regularisation of
sugar
intake is undeniable that it borders citizens' preferences. After regulation, individuals can not consume it for their desire,
this
becomes dissatisfaction among city-dwellers.
That is
why, these types of prevention block up personal freedom and choice.
Additionally
, regulating
sugar
intake contributes to economic instability.
This
means that
this
action might be detrimental
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
the food and beverage industry; the production of companies decreases
,
Remove the comma
apply
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since business owners have to produce in limited quantities of carbohydrates. As an example, in Azerbaijan, strict regulation resulted in hurt businesses significantly, leading to job losses.
Nevertheless
, the overconsumption of candy is the major contributor to health problems
such
as diabetes, and heart disease. These diseases lead to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
significant healthcare costs and reduce quality of life, similar to tobacco and alcohol.
That is
a reason why the government should introduce the law in order to prevent over-intake of
sugar
.
For instance
, in Switzerland, authorities signed new reforms for a brighter future against eating
sugar
, bread, and drinking alcohol;
as a result
, citizens suffer less cardiovascular illness.
Furthermore
,
this
substance might be addictive in overconsuming,
likewise
other suggested
nutritions
Correct your spelling
nutrition
show examples
.
According to
studies, when individuals eat a large amount of
sugar
, they can not manage themselves which leads to negative consequences. In conclusion,
while
the regularisation of
sugar
intake borders humans' preferences and mitigates economic growth, I am of the opinion that the government should control by law in order to prevent citizens from health risks associated with overconsumption.
Submitted by ilkin.abdullaev04 on

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task achievement
To enhance your essay, provide more specific examples to support your arguments. Use concrete data or studies to back up your claims, especially when discussing the effects of sugar regulation.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea with supporting sentences. This will improve the logical flow and strengthen your argument.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion that effectively outline and summarize your position.
task achievement
You tackle both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the complexity of the issue.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • overconsumption
  • refined sugar
  • regulate
  • obesity
  • diabetes
  • heart disease
  • sugar addiction
  • consumer behavior
  • government intervention
  • economic impact
  • public awareness
  • freedom of choice
  • food labeling
  • healthier lifestyle
  • substance control
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