IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

People eat more processed food than they did in the past. Why is this? What are the effects of this?

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Nowadays,
people
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 tend to eat more instant provisions compared to what they did many years ago. Because of the rapid lifestyle, they do not have
time
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 to cook or have to spend
time
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 working
instead
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. The results are they get more health problems and numerous diseases.
This
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 essay will show the reasons and serious effects, following the statement. A lot of
people
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 have no options and prefer to eat more processed
food
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such
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 as instant noodles, frozen
food
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, and so on.
This
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 is because
people
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 live more busy lifestyles, and they have little free
time
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 for consumption. Especially, many workers buy these kinds of products to eat in front of their computers
due to
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 work overloads.
For example
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, more than 200 convenience shops in Bangkok serve processed
food
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 to workers during afternoon breaks, and up to 80% of Thai adults like to eat frozen
food
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 during rush hours. The effects of
this
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 action are making
people
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 have more health problems and chronic symptoms. Because of the production, many processed foods contain some chemicals that impact our bodies these can keep the
food
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 longer but can cause serious diseases at the same
time
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.
For instance
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, a recent study showed that
people
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 who consume high amounts of instant noodles can lead to cancer and over-sodium consumption. In conclusion, many
people
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 eat more processed
food
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due to
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 hard work and living in a busy world.
This
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 will cause a lot of damage to their health and
also
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 cause significant diseases in the long-term future.

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task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your points and provide additional details to strengthen your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly to the next with appropriate linking phrases.
task achievement
Consider adding a few specific examples or statistics to support your points further, which can make your argument more compelling.
task achievement
The essay clearly identifies the reasons for increased processed food consumption and the impact on health, showing an understanding of the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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