IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Even though doctors all over the world agree that fast food is bad for people's health, more and more people are eating it. Why are more people eating fast food? What can be done about this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevent examples from your own knowledge of experience.

5.0 / 9
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Introduction
In today’s fast-forwarding world, it is
fact
Correct article usage
a fact
show examples
 that the use of fast
food
Use synonyms
 surprisingly going higher and higher which leads to damage individual’s health. In my opinion, one of the major
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 using fast foods in many countries is the shortage of time that
people
Use synonyms
 face
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
. It should investigated
peoperly
Correct your spelling
properly
 to solve
this
Linking Words
 subject.
Body paragraph 1
Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
all over the world
needs
Correct subject-verb agreement
need
show examples
 to work outside as all the living expenses are so high and spouses
also
Linking Words
 work together in order to gain more.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they have little time to spend on cooking.
Body paragraph 2
Another reason is the great advertisements which
being
Add a missing verb
are being
show examples
 done by TV programs or magazines, tempting everybody to use fast
food
Use synonyms
. Now, parents are paying more attention to their children's needs regardless
how
Change preposition
of how
show examples
much
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
logically
Change the word
logical
show examples
 they are. They are
about
Correct word choice
able
show examples
 to provide
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 needs even if children
addicted
Add a missing verb
are addicted
show examples
 to
take
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fast foods or so.
Body paragraph 3
We all
nkow
Correct your spelling
know
 that obesity, high
cholestrol
Correct your spelling
cholesterol
,
diabete
Correct your spelling
diabetes
 and laziness are some outcomes of fast
food
Use synonyms
, and if it is neglected, may lead to serious health problems.
Body paragraph 4
I think nutrition experts are expected to offer more warning programs to
people
Use synonyms
 about
this
Linking Words
 matter.
Government
Correct article usage
The government
show examples
 should spend a special budget on giving
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 to
people
Use synonyms
 about
this
Linking Words
 subject.
For example
Linking Words
, making animation with warning messages for the children is one way to make them aware of it or
cooking
Correct article usage
a cooking
show examples
 class which
learn
Verb problem
teaches
show examples
 how to prepare healthy
food
Use synonyms
 in
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
timeseem
Correct your spelling
time seem
time seems
 to be useful in solving
this
Linking Words
 problem.
Conclusion
To recapitulate,
according to
Linking Words
 aforementioned, it can be
finally
Linking Words
 commented that there are several causes of fast
food
Use synonyms
,
such
Linking Words
 as obesity,
diabete
Correct your spelling
diabetes
 and high
cholestrol
Correct your spelling
cholesterol
.
However
Linking Words
, the
above mentioned
Add a hyphen
above-mentioned
show examples
 solutions,
such
Linking Words
 as spreading awareness among
people
Use synonyms
 from nutrition
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
show examples
 and
promote
Wrong verb form
promoting
show examples
 animation or cooking
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 can solve the problem.

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coherence cohesion
Work on making your arguments clearer and more logically organized, so the progression of your essay is easy to follow.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and details to support your points, making them more relatable and convincing.
coherence cohesion
You introduced and concluded the essay effectively; now ensure the core points in between are equally strong.
task achievement
Try to use more complex sentence structures and a wider range of vocabulary to enhance the writing quality.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully introduced and concluded the essay, maintaining a clear focus on the topic.
task achievement
Your concern for health issues and proposed solutions like government intervention shows insightful thinking.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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