Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#say #people #age #work

The past 50 years have seen a dramatic increase in the life span globally. Yet there remains some disagreement as to whether working years should be increased or not.

While

some authorities may contend that

retirement

age should be delayed, in

this

essay, I intend to argue that postponing

retirement

not only would be out of benefit but could cause significant challenges in society. The reasons for

this

are as follows. It is an irrefutable fact that insistence on retaining employees on the verge of

retirement

is incompatible with the changing world and technology era. Of course,

such

workforce professional experiences are worthwhile,

however

according to

the predictions published in 2021, the penetration of artificial intelligence by 2030 in all fields of work will demand employees of compatible knowledge.

Otherwise

, their unfamiliarity with new technologies could result in significant difficulties.

In addition

to technological issues, it carries implications related to unemployment.

Secondly

and even more disturbing though is the fact that having delayed

retirement

time, unemployment and subsequent harms would be more likely to occur. It is obvious that extending

retirement

would decrease the imposed economic burden on the governments,

nonetheless

, it would make most of the young graduates redundant, resulting in their immigration to countries with more employment opportunities. A salient example of

this

is India where it struggles with the government's inadequate budget and prolonged working years. All these encountered

this

nation with approximately 200000 emigrants under the age of 32 in 2019. By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that exploiting

such

an increased life span seems to be immoral and out of benefit. Rather, handing over the responsibility of deciding about the increased living time to each individual is expected to be fulfilled by the authorities.

Submitted by golriiz.azizi1991 on Wed Nov 13 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Ensure that examples provided are more specific and directly relevant to the argument being made, to strengthen task response.

coherence cohesion

While the essay is well structured, consider improving transitions between ideas for even better coherence.

task achievement

The essay effectively presents both sides of the argument before taking a clear stance, showcasing a comprehensive approach to the task.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively summarizes the position presented in the essay, reinforcing the main points clearly.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

293 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

4.5
band
Some people say that there should be a single official international language. Others oppose to this idea. Discuss both views and give your opinion?
Language is the communication medium between the people also it differs from the place to place. Hence, one part of people in the universe are thinking there will be a single official language for communication is most beneficial for all. Other hand of people are standing against this statement.
5
band
Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to universities while others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There are some controversial perspectives heating a debate over how to gain high achievements in life. While some claim that getting access to tertiary education acts as the sole contribution to the fruitfulness of people, the opposite makes a statement that there are formidable influences to gain it. While each has its own perks, I would contend that it is optimal to combine both mentioned aspects.
6.5
band
In today's world of advanced science and techonology, we still greatly vaulue our artists such as muscians, painters and writers. What can art tell us about life that science and technology cannot?
In contemporary society, despite the developed technology, individuals who work in artistic fields such as musicians, painters and writers are still valued by humans. The writer of this essay argues that art can teach certain lessons in life that people cannot learn from science and technology.
5
band
Living alone is better than living in with someone. .Do you agree or disagree?
Living alone means living in a place without anyone else. These days, many people enjoy living alone, especially when they move to a new place to work or study. It is claimed that when people live alone, they will gain a lot of benefits. This essay agrees with the above view for the following reasons.
5
band
Topic: In many countries, more and more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?
In recent years, there has been a growing debate about individuals in many regions choosing to move out from their parents to live alone than in previous decades. This has gained significant attention due to its impact on the mental state of teenagers and young adults, making it a subject of considerable interest and discussion. In this essay, I will argue that while living with your family or relatives can be quite beneficial to some, other important aspects should be considered, including financial independence from a younger age and ability to be responsibe in many sectors in life.

Some say that because many people are living much longer, the age at which people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Some people say that there should be a single official international language. Others oppose to this idea. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Some people say that the only way to get success is to go to universities while others think that it depends on other factors. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today's world of advanced science and techonology, we still greatly vaulue our artists such as muscians, painters and writers. What can art tell us about life that science and technology cannot?

Living alone is better than living in with someone. .Do you agree or disagree?

Topic: In many countries, more and more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?