IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Question: Technology is being used more and more in education. Some people say that this is a positive trend, while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides of this argument and then give your own opinion.

#technology #education #people #trend #consequences #argument
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Number
one
,about who saying that technology’s its becoming more common is classrooms , i think what we see in our
life
 from the evolution its so horrible and we and the
life
 become easy at all the humen pepole that using the technology but not the same way and to be honest the
life
 its easy and we can do everything in the house we just press button and we can finish what we want from the home , i will go to those people who saying
that is
 the technologys negative and i agree with them because
that is
 true if everything used from the technologys because we will see that no
one
 have jobs and what i see in the restaurant that some frome them they used robots to give people the food and i see in a
lots
 of market no
one
 in it you pay to your selfe no
one
 there or in another hand i sawe that just robot in said and he can do to you the caffe but
this
 will be problem at the humanity it will be bad in the future because they will be some people they lose tham jobs because the technology , my opinion is that evrey thing if he be a
lots
 you will be in trouble
for example
 if you eat a
lots
 you drink a
lots
 of water you will be in trouble the increase in anything is bad and for me that what we see in the technology and if we no controul it and use it in a good way its will be negative at our
life
 ,and i hope my opinion is understanding from who read it ,fainly we have to use the technologys in good way to see good future , Thanks for reading my essay.
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coherence cohesion
The essay needs a clearer introduction and conclusion to frame your discussion. A brief paragraph at the beginning should state the main focus or question, and a concluding paragraph should summarize your key points and offer a firm opinion.
coherence cohesion
Structuring your essay with clear paragraphs would enhance readability. This includes separating the arguments for and against technology in education and using linking words to improve flow.
task achievement
Improve the task response by fully addressing both sides of the topic. Provide specific, relevant examples and clarify your opinion with supportive evidence.
coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing your ideas logically. Develop each point clearly by explaining how and why, using examples or evidence.
task achievement
Aim to use precise language and sentence structures to clearly communicate your ideas. This includes avoiding repetition and vague terms.
task achievement
You demonstrated an awareness of the topic by mentioning both sides of the argument: the positive uses of technology and the potential negatives like job loss.
task achievement
Your essay conveys an understanding that excessive dependency on technology can lead to challenges, which is a thoughtful perspective.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • accessibility
  • remote
  • underprivileged
  • digital literacy
  • excessive reliance
  • interpersonal skills
  • digital divide
  • eye strain
  • non-educational content
  • technological malfunctions
  • data privacy
  • security breaches
  • misuse
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