Some think spending a lot on birthday celebration and weddings is a waste of money. Others think that it is important for young people and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
These
days
, there has been an increasing number of people
who claim that expanding
Verb problem
spending
large
Change the article
a large
amount
of money on special events, Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
such
as birthday
and Fix the agreement mistake
birthdays
wedding
is wasteful, Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
while
other people
insist that such
occasions should be celebrated in an
Correct article usage
a
especial
way. Correct your spelling
special
This
essay discusses both sides and then
I will give my own prospective
.
On the one hand, Correct your spelling
perspective
method
of celebrating Correct article usage
the method
such
grandiose occasions is financially difficult for some people
. Individuals put aside most part of their income , while
spare within a single day. For example
, people
are ready to sacrifice themselves and their finance
, in order to impress Fix the agreement mistake
finances
audience
and visitors. Fix the agreement mistake
audiences
While
, after huge ceremonies
most Add a comma
ceremonies,
people
are likely to regret
, as they have spent most part of their budget on 5 Correct pronoun usage
regret it
hours
ceremony , which even can lead to mental problems like depression and self-blaming. Correct your spelling
five-hour
Furthermore
, people
mostly lend some money from their relatives only for arranging parties, which in the long-term can can
affect their relationships , as Remove the redundancy
apply
former
would not be able to cope with Correct article usage
the former
taken
debts.
Wrong verb form
taking
On the other hand
, this
one life time
experience and Correct your spelling
lifetime
it
should be celebrated greatly, so they can commemorate Correct pronoun usage
apply
in
their minds for ages. Correct pronoun usage
it in
In
Change preposition
At
wedding
Correct article usage
a wedding
for
instance, future families will sign up document about their agreement to live together, despite all Add the comma(s)
, for
life long
difficulties and family problems, which makes Correct your spelling
lifelong
this moments
Change the determiner
this moment
these moments
extraordinary
Change the word
extraordinarily
beatifull
. Correct your spelling
beautiful
Additionally
, these certain days
are not every time seen scenario. People
probably never will undergo trough responsible moments anymore , which differs these days
from others.
In conclusion, it can be seen that both sides have thier
merits. But even though Correct your spelling
their
celebration
of these important Add an article
the celebration
days
is economically problematic, In my point of view, I suppose that these days
are one
Correct determiner usage
a
life-time
experience and they should Correct your spelling
lifetime
do
all efforts to make it Verb problem
make
fastinating
.Correct your spelling
fascinating
Submitted by halilova039 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details to improve coherence. For example, in the second paragraph, clarify the main point before diving into examples.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or case studies to support your points, especially when discussing the financial impacts and emotional experiences related to celebrations.
general language use
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to ensure clarity, such as avoiding run-on sentences and using appropriate punctuation.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the two views and indicates that a personal opinion will be provided.
task achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives on spending for celebrations, demonstrating a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussed points and states a clear personal opinion.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!