IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some think spending a lot on birthday celebration and weddings is a waste of money. Others think that it is important for young people and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#think #birthday #celebration #weddings #waste #money #people #society
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These
days
, there has been an increasing number of
people
 who claim that
expanding
Verb problem
spending
show examples
large
Change the article
a large
show examples
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
 of money on special events,
such
 as
birthday
Fix the agreement mistake
birthdays
show examples
 and
wedding
Fix the agreement mistake
weddings
show examples
 is wasteful,
while
 other
people
 insist that
such
 occasions should be celebrated in
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
especial
Correct your spelling
special
show examples
 way.
This
 essay discusses both sides and
then
 I will give my own
prospective
Correct your spelling
perspective
show examples
. On the one hand, 
method
Correct article usage
the method
show examples
 of celebrating
such
 grandiose occasions is financially difficult  for some 
people
 . Individuals put aside most part of their income  ,
while
 spare within  a single day. 
For example
,
people
  are ready to  sacrifice themselves and their 
finance
Fix the agreement mistake
finances
show examples
, in order to impress
audience
Fix the agreement mistake
audiences
show examples
 and visitors.
While
, after huge
ceremonies
Add a comma
ceremonies,
show examples
 most
people
 are likely to
regret
Correct pronoun usage
regret it
show examples
, as they have spent  most part of their budget on 5
hours
Correct your spelling
five-hour
show examples
 ceremony , which even can lead to  mental  problems like depression and self-blaming.
Furthermore
,
people
 mostly lend some money from their relatives  only for arranging parties, which in the long-term can
can
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
affect their  relationships , as
former
Correct article usage
the former
show examples
  would not be able to  cope with
taken
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
 debts.
On the other hand
,
this
 one  
life time
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
  experience and
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
  should be celebrated greatly, so they can commemorate
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 their minds  for ages.
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
wedding
Correct article usage
a wedding
show examples
  
for
Add the comma(s)
, for
show examples
 instance, future families will sign up document about their agreement to live together, despite all
life long
Correct your spelling
lifelong
show examples
  difficulties and family problems, which makes
this moments
Change the determiner
this moment
these moments
show examples
extraordinary
Change the word
extraordinarily
show examples
beatifull
Correct your spelling
beautiful
.
Additionally
, these certain
days
 are not every time seen scenario.
People
 probably never will undergo trough responsible moments anymore  , which differs these
days
 from others. In conclusion, it can be seen that both sides have
thier
Correct your spelling
their
 merits. But even though
celebration
Add an article
the celebration
show examples
 of these important
days
 is economically problematic, In my point of view, I suppose that these
days
 are
one
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
life-time
Correct your spelling
lifetime
show examples
  experience and they should
do
Verb problem
make
show examples
 all efforts to make it 
fastinating
Correct your spelling
fascinating
.
Submitted by halilova039 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and supporting details to improve coherence. For example, in the second paragraph, clarify the main point before diving into examples.
task achievement
Include more specific examples or case studies to support your points, especially when discussing the financial impacts and emotional experiences related to celebrations.
general language use
Pay attention to sentence structure and grammar to ensure clarity, such as avoiding run-on sentences and using appropriate punctuation.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines the two views and indicates that a personal opinion will be provided.
task achievement
The essay addresses both perspectives on spending for celebrations, demonstrating a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussed points and states a clear personal opinion.
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