IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

All large companies should provide sports and community facilities to the local community. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Providing
sports
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 and community establishments should be the responsibility of massive companies residing in a society. I completely agree with
this
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 statement, because of
this
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, there will be numerous benefits for both parties.
To begin
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 with, the
company
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 can benefit from
this
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 provision by encouraging more customers and buyers to purchase their products.
For instance
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, a
sports
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company
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 named Adidas constructed
sports
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 facilities
such
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 as basketball and tennis courts.
As a result
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, some players will initiate buying their goods like footwear, clothing, rackets, basketball and other materials appropriate for playing the game.
Moreover
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, some individuals can
also
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 invite co-players to buy essentials in the
company
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.
Thus
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, the gross sales of the
company
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 will incline and the brands will be more popular.
In addition
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 to that, one of the positive effects of
this
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 in the community is the promotion of health and wellness of
people
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 especially when the neighbourhood loves
sports
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.
Furthermore
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, if most
people
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 are into
sports
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, establishing facilities used in physical and health improvement will
also
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 encourage individuals to exercise and focus on their body wellness.
For instance
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, huge corporations creating running tracks, pioneers,
as well as
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 aspiring runners,
as well as
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 aspiring runners will opt to use the place.
Additionally
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, they may
also
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 influence their neighbours in doing physical activities,
therefore
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 creating a healthy-minded society. In conclusion, I fully agree that large companies should provide
sports
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 and community establishments, bringing more positive results both in part of the
company
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 and the
people
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.
Firstly
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, it helps in sales and endorsements of the products they are selling and
lastly
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,
people
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 will know the importance of having a healthier body.

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task achievement
Ensure all points are thoroughly explored. Although you covered some aspects well, the exploration of other potential benefits or perspectives could enhance your response.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining sentence transitions to ensure ideas are linked more smoothly across the entire essay.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly presents your position and the conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint.
relevant specific examples
You have provided relevant examples, such as the reference to Adidas and the construction of sports facilities, which strengthen your argument.
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