IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Are computers an essential features of modern education? What subjects can be better taught using computers? Are there aspects of a good education that cannot be taught using computers? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#computers #features #education #subjects #aspects
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It is true that computers are crucial in our lives in many aspects.
However
, I don't think they are essential features of modern education. History is the only subject I can think of that might be helpful using
such
 devices. It is a subject which requires a lot of information. Unfortunately, textbooks cannot be made too thick because students usually need to carry them every day.
Therefore
, when people want to see more pictures of historical monuments or when they want
read
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to read
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 more articles, they will immediately be able to search for what they want to know. In
this
 case, since they can gain data from variable sources, it can be beneficial to teach students.
On the other hand
, I believe the subjects, which can not be taught using modern technologies, can bring more positive aspects to us,
such
 as creativity and communication. I think it is really important to teach young people
with
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apply
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distinct activities for their development like physical activities or art classes. Those are the things that you can learn something only participating directly, not just looking at the screen. In my opinion, when we learn languages, we
also
 learn how to interact with others. I experienced a Spanish online course and I found it very inefficient because all I did was just
listening
Wrong verb form
listen
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 to the course and
writing
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write
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 down what they said. I couldn't improve my language skills at all
at
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in
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 the end. In conclusion, computers can be useful in some areas,
however
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however,
show examples
 I still believe students have to learn in various ways to develop different features of themselves.
Submitted by dob.jeong on

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task response
To improve the task response, address all parts of the question more thoroughly. Expand your discussion on subjects that could benefit from computer use beyond just history, and provide a clearer stance on whether computers are essential in modern education.
coherence cohesion
Enhance your coherence and cohesion by ensuring that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. Consider using more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your arguments effectively.
relevant specific examples
You included relevant examples from your own experience, which adds personal insight to your arguments and shows engagement with the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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