Some think spending a lot on birthday celebration and weddings is a waste of money. Others think that it is important for young people and society. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Birthdays and wedding
cermonies
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ceremonies
are
a
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apply
show examples
special occasions to celebrate worldwide.In my
openion
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opinion
, these events are
source
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a source
the source
show examples
of feeling happy,
can
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and can
show examples
break the cycle of
borness
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boredom
in our daily lives . Weddings are a unique event for all people allover the world ,
espeically
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especially
if it
happened
Wrong verb form
happens
show examples
after a love story .
For example
, one of my friends did not enjoy celebrations in her life as much as enjoying her wedding night.she spent
alot
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a lot
of money on
this
day, she bought
very
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a very
the very
show examples
expensive dress.
in
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From
show examples
her
prespectives
Correct your spelling
perspectives
perspective
,
wedding
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the wedding
a wedding
show examples
day is the only perfect and enjoyable day
through
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in
show examples
her life.
On the other hand
, Birthdays seem to be
improtant
Correct your spelling
important
to me , it means that
i
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I
show examples
am getting older and more experienced, being
more wise
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wiser
show examples
, and able to manage my thoughts and my futures plan in a better way ,
for instance
, my
last
18-8-1988 was my 36th 18-8-1988 , it was amazing and
i
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I
show examples
enjoyed
that moments
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that moment
those moments
show examples
when
i
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I
show examples
was surrounded by my family and friends, and one of the happiest
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
show examples
was when
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
recieved
Correct your spelling
received
fantastic gifts which
are belongs
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belong
show examples
to my preferences. Weddings and birthdays are
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
enjoyable life parties , spending money for our
Correct your spelling
spiritual
spirtiual
Correct your spelling
spiritual
happiness is one of the
cornerstone
Change to a plural noun
cornerstones
show examples
in our lives
Submitted by ghufran.mahmoud on

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task achievement
Ensure the essay answers all parts of the question: discussing both views and giving your opinion.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points about birthdays and weddings.
coherence cohesion
Organize the essay with clear paragraphs, using topic sentences to guide your reader.
coherence cohesion
Include a clear introduction and conclusion to frame the discussion.
task achievement
You have shared personal experiences, which makes the essay more relatable and engaging.
coherence cohesion
You have demonstrated the cultural significance of celebrations, adding depth to the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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