In many countries today the retirement age from work has been raised. Do the advantages of raising the retirement age outweigh the disadvantages?
Nowadays, in many different countries
the
workers Correct article usage
apply
heve
to Correct your spelling
have
work
to Use synonyms
late
Replace the word
later
age
compared to the past time. Use synonyms
This
change Linking Words
have
both negative and positive effects, so Change the verb form
has
this
essay will discuss the two sides to show which side is better.
On the one hand, there are some advantages to Linking Words
Add an article
the rose
rose
of the retirement Replace the word
rise
age
for the workers.
Use synonyms
Firstly
, Linking Words
this
Linking Words
affect
positively Verb problem
apply
on
the health, for many reasons Change preposition
apply
such
as that Linking Words
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
the
people to still do some movement. When they Correct article usage
apply
are
Change the verb form
are working
work
, they will go to their job and move their bones which will support them to stay healthy. Use synonyms
In addition
, that will help them to get more money. Linking Words
While
they are still working, they will collect more money. So that will contribute to Linking Words
provide
Change the verb form
providing
better
Add an article
a better
life
Use synonyms
to
their family.
Change preposition
for
On the other hand
, there are many disadvantages to Linking Words
this
change. The main important drawback is that they will keep working to late Linking Words
age
which leads them to spend all their Use synonyms
life
on it. They will lose Use synonyms
the
Change the word
their
life
and Use synonyms
its
funCorrect your spelling
it's
,
because they will not have enough time to take a rest and enjoy Remove the comma
apply
due to
the Linking Words
work
. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, they will have not time to be with their family Linking Words
while
they still working.
Their Linking Words
life
will just go to Use synonyms
the
Correct article usage
apply
work
.
From my perspective, I prefer if the Use synonyms
age
of retirement doesn't Use synonyms
increasingly
and still more earlier for the reasons that I mentioned.
Ultimately, Replace the word
increase
Linking Words
although
the advantage of increasing, Change preposition
despite
but
the early Correct word choice
apply
age
to stop working Use synonyms
remain
the best decision.Correct subject-verb agreement
remains
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clarification
Try to articulate your ideas more clearly. Currently, some sentences could be confusing due to grammatical inaccuracies. Consider revising your sentences to convey your ideas more effectively.
elaboration
Use more specific examples to strengthen your points. This will help in illustrating your arguments more effectively and make your essay more engaging.
vocabulary
Make sure to use appropriate vocabulary. There are a few words and phrases that aren't quite fitting, and using them correctly would boost the clarity and impact of your essay.
conclusion
Think about further developing your conclusion. Although it wraps up your essay well, offering a clearer synthesis of points or a stronger statement could enhance it.
structure
Consider organizing your ideas into more distinct paragraphs. This can improve the flow and allow each argument to be explored fully.
content
Your essay demonstrates a clear effort to discuss both sides of the argument regarding raising the retirement age.
structure
Your introduction and conclusion effectively set the stage and wrap up the discussion, respectively, ensuring a complete response to the prompt.
analysis
You presented the advantages and disadvantages of the topic, which provides a balanced view.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.