IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Doctors in many countries are saying that people are not getting enough physical exercise. What are the causes of this? How it can be addressed?

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In recent years, many doctors believe that
people
Use synonyms
 are not getting enough exercise to improve their physical. In my opinion, physical training is very important to maintain our bodies in a healthy situation. In
this
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 essay, we will discuss
this
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 problem with the solutions On the one hand, the new workstyle is the primary cause
besides
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 the technical development.
people
Use synonyms
 who spend 10 hours every day in their workplace cannot do other activities.
Furthermore
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, a fraction of teenagers and adults are spending hours in front of their devices watching movies or playing.
As a result
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, there is never any time for physical activities or sports.
For example
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, a Japanese authority started a statistic by the vote pull. with three weekly activity levels. The result was three a quarter of Japanese society was not interested in physical fitness.
On the other hand
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, individuals and governments solutions are solutions
Firstly
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, daily activities are the most famous way to promote health
such
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 as walking or cycling.
Therefore
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, the government costumed new comfort and flexible streets to walk.
Also
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, gyms discount their memberships by at least 50 per cent in many countries to facilitate
people
Use synonyms
 to sign up.
For instance
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, Techno-Gym founders discounted the price of the memberships to 65%. They confirmed that about 40 thousand
people
Use synonyms
 joined with them in 3 months. So,
this
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 indicates to success of
this
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 method. In conclusion, maintaining Is the hardest part of
this
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 subject. it requires patience and practice to pin it in the routine. To be honest, everyone has the chance to develop
this
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 habit. by control of ourselves.

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task achievement
Ensure that all parts of the essay prompt are clearly addressed. Elaborate more on the reasons people lack physical activity and provide comprehensive solutions.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow between paragraphs and ensure each paragraph smoothly leads to the next. Use transition words effectively.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the support for main points with more detailed examples and evidence to strengthen the arguments.
introduction
The introduction clearly presents the topic and the importance of physical exercise.
task achievement
The essay includes practical solutions like promoting walking and cycling, and discounts on gym memberships.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • digital entertainment
  • physical inactivity
  • recreational facilities
  • modern conveniences
  • remote work
  • high stress levels
  • streaming services
  • video games
  • social media
  • physical activity
  • accessibility
  • public awareness campaigns
  • health benefits
  • habit formation
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