IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In their advertising business nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development? Write at least 250 words.

#business #emphasise #products #development
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In today's competitive market, businesses often emphasize their newest product in advertising campaigns.
Hence
, in
this
 essay, I will discuss some key points why the situation occurs, and present my opinion on how it brings a positive development for some reasons that are set out below. One key reason for
this
 focus on "newness" is the psychological appeal it generates.
Consumers
 are naturally drawn to
products
 that promise better performance, greater convenience, or cutting-edge features.
For instance
, technology companies,
such
 as Samsung frequently market their devices as the "latest" models to stimulate demand. Highlighting a product's new aspects like the “folding phone”
also
 allows businesses to survive in a rapidly evolving marketplace.
This
 not only leads to improved
products
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 pushes the industries forward, benefiting
consumers
 in the long term.
Nevertheless
, some people argue that by doing so, companies encourage people to spend unnecessary consumption and waste.
For example
, people may replace perfectly functional gadgets simply to own the "latest" version, contributing to environmental issues like e-waste.
Furthermore
, exaggerated claims about new features can mislead
consumers
, creating unrealistic expectations,
such
 as the z-fold flip from Samsung, which turns out to damage the screen. It promotes unsustainable consumption and misinformation that can cause disappointment.
Additionally
,
this
 can cause the company a downfall, as no one wants to buy their
products
. Ultimately, even though some businesses might overclaim their
products
 to be the latest and better, advertising campaigns are good for them to get
consumers
' attention in order to gain more benefits.
Moreover
, it helps them to highlight their innovation and differentiate their
products
 from the competitors.
Submitted by riani.the2 on

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task achievement
The overall task response is strong, addressing both parts of the question effectively. However, ensure to maintain a balanced view by occasionally recognizing merits alongside drawbacks.
coherence cohesion
The essay demonstrates a clear and logical structure, but consider improving the transitions between ideas for even smoother flow.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on your key points and arguments to achieve more depth. For instance, provide more details on how innovation is beneficial in the broader economic context.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are especially well done, effectively framing and summarizing the discussion.
task achievement
The use of specific examples from real-world companies strengthens the task response.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • novelty
  • excitement
  • latest trends
  • improvements
  • advancements
  • differentiating
  • competitors
  • innovation
  • progress
  • attracting attention
  • generating curiosity
What to do next:
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