IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people advocate the death penalty for those who committed violent crimes. Others say that capital punishment is unacceptable in contemporary society.Describe the advantages and disadvantages of the death penalty and give your opinion

#people #advocate #death #penalty #crimes #punishment #society
It is a widely known fact that in some countries there exists a supreme method for dreadful crimes as the
death
 penalty. In fact,
this
 topic has been discussed for a long time as a moral problem. There are a lot of supporters, who stay with
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 idea that extremely dangerous people should not be alive at all, and those who are concerned that a human life could not be taken by another human and criminals have to stay in prison even their whole life.  So, one of the biggest advantages
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
 controversial method is our safety. People who are usually sent to
death
, have effectuated terrible things
such
 as a mass killing or kidnapping.
For example
, some
researches
Fix the agreement mistake
research
show examples
 has shown us that a huge bunch of prisoners who committed a serious crime twice or more times
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 will be back again in a cage in 1 or 2 years. The
death
 penalty is a
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
hundred warranty for our society, that a criminal would not be a danger.  
However
, there are disadvantages to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
such
 strict punishment. One of the main ones that must be highlighted is a human mistake. Actually, It is impossible to find a country with an ideal judgment system and it is a pretty common mistake that in jail is a person, who does not have culpability.
For instance
, sometimes happens when after many years in jail may be found evidence that a prisoner is not culpable.  
Therefore
,
this
 topic remains discussed and quite sensible. Frankly speaking, I think that
death
Correct article usage
the death
show examples
 penalty must be for most violent criminals, but the whole process of the judgment should be improved, with a scope to avoid any mistake
Submitted by acaitaz on

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coherence cohesion
Try to enhance the logical flow between paragraphs, ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples or statistics to support arguments, which can enhance the strength of your points.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which effectively frame the discussion on the death penalty.
task achievement
You present both sides of the argument clearly, which demonstrates a balanced approach to the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Advocates
  • Capital punishment
  • Contemporary society
  • Violent crimes
  • Deterrence
  • Retribution
  • Cost-effectiveness
  • Imprisonment
  • Innocent
  • Unethical
  • Inhumane
  • Misuse
  • Legal systems
  • Heinous crimes
  • Closure
  • Moral concerns
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