IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people think adults should give children freedom to make mistakes. Others think adults should prevent children from making mistakes. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #adults #children #freedom #mistakes
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There has been a constant debate about whether guardians should let their
youngsters
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 make
mistakes
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 freely or whether adults should prevent them from doing so. In
this
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 essay, I will elaborate on both views and give my own opinion on
this
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 matter. On the one hand, some people say that caregivers should let their offspring make
mistakes
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. It is true that making
mistakes
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 enables
kids
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 to learn and develop, since errors help the young identify and understand their weaknesses,
thus
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 putting effort into developing them.
For instance
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, a study published in the Journal of Experimental Child Psychology found that
youngsters
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 who made
mistakes
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 during learning tasks and were given feedback showed better retention and understanding of the material than those who did not make
mistakes
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 or were not given feedback.
Moreover
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, the acceptance and normalization of
mistakes
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 can help
kids
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 become more confident.
For example
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, a study on youth development proved that
youngsters
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 who reflect on their
mistakes
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 grow up to be more assertive, which is an important characteristic for them. Meanwhile, some people believe that
youngsters
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 should be educated to avoid
mistakes
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. It is obvious that
this
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 helps adolescents prevent certain risks and challenges. Research published in the journal Child Development shows that adolescents who receive proactive guidance from their guardians are less likely to engage in risky
behaviors
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behaviours
show examples
such
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 as drug use, delinquency, and premature sexual activity.
This
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 highlights the importance of adult involvement in helping their offspring avoid these types of
mistakes
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. In conclusion,
while
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 both points of view have their benefits, I strongly argue that guardians should give their
kids
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 the freedom to make
mistakes
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, as it offers them the opportunity to learn, grow, and develop properly. By allowing
youngsters
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 to make
mistakes
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, adults help them build essential life skills
such
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 as resilience, problem-solving, and confidence.
Although
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 preventing certain
mistakes
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 can protect
kids
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 from immediate harm, it is through their own experiences and failures that they truly learn and mature.
This
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 version uses a variety of synonyms to address the lexical resource issues and enhances the
overall
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 quality of the essay.
Submitted by minhlieu.hnd on

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coherence
Strengthen the transitions between paragraphs. For instance, the transition between the advantages of making mistakes and preventative measures can be made smoother.
task response
Slightly improve explanations for both views, by providing more detailed examples and potential consequences.
coherence
Fine-tune the conclusion to more forcefully synthesize both arguments and reinforce your opinion.
coherence
The introduction clearly outlines both perspectives and sets up the essay effectively.
task response
The essay uses relevant and specific examples to illustrate points, such as studies published in journals.
coherence
Each paragraph flows logically, with a clear focus and supported points.
task response
The conclusion effectively recaps the discussed points and clearly states the writer's opinion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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