Some people believe that watching big events like sports and the Olympics on TV encourages adults to exercise regularly. While others disagree that there are other effective ways of getting them to exercise. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
regular
exercise
is playing
a vital role Wrong verb form
plays
to
our Change preposition
in
body
Change noun form
body's
health
, some people
think that watching big events such
as sports and Correct article usage
the olympics
olympics
on Change the capitalization
Olympics
big
screen can Add an article
the big
a big
motivates
adults to work out regularly. Change the verb form
motivate
However
I believe that there are other effective ways to encourage them Add a comma
However,
for doing
Change preposition
to do
exercise
like,
Remove the comma
apply
health
awarness
. Correct your spelling
awareness
This
essay will examine some ways to engage people
to do
Verb problem
in
exercise
.
To begin
with, in
the Change preposition
on
on
hand, Correct your spelling
one
people
think that watching big events such
as worl
cup can Correct your spelling
world
motivates
adults to Change the verb form
motivate
exercise
. the reason for this
might be because they might their favorite
team catch their attention and motivate them Change the spelling
favourite
start
playing football. In my Add the particle
to start
opinion
it rarely Add a comma
opinion,
happen
, Change the verb form
happens
people
more attend to
enjoy the games rather than involved, especially in a busy city. Rephrase
often
People
don't have much time to fullfill
their Correct your spelling
fulfil
interst
Correct your spelling
interest
over
the work. Change preposition
in
For instance
, in my country, Indonesia, I found people
would like to gather in some spots to enjoy wathing
Correct your spelling
watching
big
Tournament or Correct article usage
a big
World
Cup, they Correct article usage
the World
really
Add a missing verb
are really
interest
Replace the word
interested
on
it, Change preposition
in
they
would Correct word choice
and they
like
stay up late just to Add the particle
like to
watching
their Wrong verb form
watch
favorite
football team. Change the spelling
favourite
however
I rarely found a bunch of Add a comma
however,
people
doing exercise
together.
In
the other hand, Change preposition
On
acknowlege
Correct your spelling
acknowledge
people
about
how important Change preposition
apply
work
out or Wrong verb form
working
exercise
impacts to
our Change preposition
apply
body
Change noun form
body's
health
not only now but in future
age, Add an article
a future
the future
program
like Add an article
a program
seminar
about Add an article
a seminar
heart
could engage adults to be aware that Correct article usage
the heart
heart
is a main vital in Correct article usage
the heart
ourbody
Correct your spelling
our body
works
, Fix the agreement mistake
work
then
added cardiac exercise
program after seminar
.
Add an article
the seminar
i
think Change the capitalization
I
this
method will be more efective
way Correct your spelling
effective
instead
of watching sport
on Fix the agreement mistake
sports
big
screen. Correct article usage
a big
eventhough
they Correct your spelling
Even though
fell
lazy to Correct your spelling
feel
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
exercise
but consequenses
of not doing it Correct your spelling
consequences
is
more dangerous.
In Correct subject-verb agreement
are
conclussion
, Correct your spelling
conclusion
eventhoug
watching sportsCorrect your spelling
even
program
on Fix the agreement mistake
programs
tv
can Correct your spelling
TV
engage
Verb problem
encourage
people
to do excercise
, Correct your spelling
exercise
however
acknowledge Add a comma
however,
them
Correct your spelling
the
about
how importance Change preposition
apply
Change preposition
of excercise
excercise
to our body Correct your spelling
exercise
health
will be more effectively.Submitted by masry.pakpahan on
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Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay has a clear structure, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow. For example, use transitional words or phrases to better connect the points.
Task Achievement
Ensure every paragraph is adequately developed with specific details and examples. This will strengthen your argument by making it more persuasive and informative.
Task Achievement
Try to elaborate more on each point to provide a thorough exploration of the topic. Adding more details will make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive.
Task Achievement
You've presented a balanced view of the topic, discussing both perspectives effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good structure to your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.