IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that watching big events like sports and the Olympics on TV encourages adults to exercise regularly. While others disagree that there are other effective ways of getting them to exercise. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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regular
exercise
Use synonyms
is playing
Wrong verb form
plays
show examples
 a vital role
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our
body
Change noun form
body's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that watching big events
such
Linking Words
 as sports and
Correct article usage
the olympics
show examples
olympics
Change the capitalization
Olympics
show examples
 on
big
Add an article
the big
a big
show examples
 screen can
motivates
Change the verb form
motivate
show examples
 adults to work out regularly.
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 I believe that there are other effective ways to encourage them
for doing
Change preposition
to do
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
 like
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
health
Use synonyms
awarness
Correct your spelling
awareness
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will examine some ways to engage
people
Use synonyms
to do
Verb problem
in
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 hand,
people
Use synonyms
 think that watching big events
such
Linking Words
 as
worl
Correct your spelling
world
 cup can
motivates
Change the verb form
motivate
show examples
 adults to
exercise
Use synonyms
. the reason for
this
Linking Words
 might be because they might their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 team catch their attention and motivate them
start
Add the particle
to start
show examples
 playing football. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 it rarely
happen
Change the verb form
happens
show examples
,
people
Use synonyms
 more
attend to
Rephrase
often
show examples
 enjoy the games rather than involved, especially in a busy city.
People
Use synonyms
 don't have much time to
fullfill
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 their
interst
Correct your spelling
interest
over
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the work.
For instance
Linking Words
, in my country, Indonesia, I found
people
Use synonyms
 would like to gather in some spots to enjoy
wathing
Correct your spelling
watching
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 Tournament or
World
Correct article usage
the World
show examples
 Cup, they
really
Add a missing verb
are really
show examples
interest
Replace the word
interested
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 it,
they
Correct word choice
and they
show examples
 would
like
Add the particle
like to
show examples
 stay up late just to
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
 their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 football team.
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 I rarely found a bunch of
people
Use synonyms
 doing
exercise
Use synonyms
 together.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand,
acknowlege
Correct your spelling
acknowledge
people
Use synonyms
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how important
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
 out or
exercise
Use synonyms
 impacts
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our
body
Change noun form
body's
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 not only now but in
future
Add an article
a future
the future
show examples
 age,
program
Add an article
a program
show examples
 like
seminar
Add an article
a seminar
show examples
 about
heart
Correct article usage
the heart
show examples
 could engage adults to be aware that
heart
Correct article usage
the heart
show examples
 is a main vital in
ourbody
Correct your spelling
our body
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
,
then
Linking Words
 added cardiac
exercise
Use synonyms
 program after
seminar
Add an article
the seminar
show examples
.
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think
this
Linking Words
 method will be more
efective
Correct your spelling
effective
 way
instead
Linking Words
 of watching
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 on
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 screen.
eventhough
Correct your spelling
Even though
 they
fell
Correct your spelling
feel
show examples
 lazy to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
 but
consequenses
Correct your spelling
consequences
 of not doing it
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more dangerous. In
conclussion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
eventhoug
Correct your spelling
even
 watching sports
program
Fix the agreement mistake
programs
show examples
 on
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 can
engage
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to do
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 acknowledge
them
Correct your spelling
the
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
how importance
Change preposition
of excercise
show examples
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
 to our body
health
Use synonyms
 will be more effectively.

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Coherence and Cohesion
While your essay has a clear structure, consider refining the transitions between paragraphs for smoother flow. For example, use transitional words or phrases to better connect the points.
Task Achievement
Ensure every paragraph is adequately developed with specific details and examples. This will strengthen your argument by making it more persuasive and informative.
Task Achievement
Try to elaborate more on each point to provide a thorough exploration of the topic. Adding more details will make your ideas clearer and more comprehensive.
Task Achievement
You've presented a balanced view of the topic, discussing both perspectives effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good structure to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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