Instead of training a few athletes to win medals at the Olympics, governments should spend the money on programmes encouraging the public to be active and stay healthy. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Some
people
think that politics
of countries must be aimed at developing Correct article usage
the politics
healthcare
system, in place of Correct article usage
a healthcare
preparation
sportsmen Replace the word
preparing
to
competitions. I absolutely agree with Change preposition
for
this
opinion, because at the moment humanity has a huge problem with their health. I am going to discuss my opinion in the essay.
First of all, too many nations even do not have hospitals in places
Correct article usage
the places
that
they liveCorrect word choice
where
in
, or local medicine Change preposition
apply
too
expensive for citizens. For Add a missing verb
is too
examples
, in the USA Fix the agreement mistake
example
people
must pay for health insurance every month, while
the government spend money on basketball teams. Furthermore
, in Tunisia
there is a great football team, but Add a comma
Tunisia,
people
are in need of availability
of affordable treatment.
Correct article usage
the availability
In addition
, countries try to help people
to be more active. For instance
, in Kazakhstan
there are a lot of free Add a comma
Kazakhstan,
sport
sections for children and adults like swimming, football, karate and so on. Change the noun form
sports
However
, in my opinion, it is not enough. Why does not all humanity have this
chance? Сountries must find answer
Add an article
the answer
an answer
for
the question.
Change preposition
to
Secondly
, of course, there is the economical
side of the problem. Replace the word
economic
People
around the world will listen to news about sport
, Fix the agreement mistake
sports
instead
of solving medical problems. Government
is able to earn much more money in Correct article usage
The government
this
sphere than from healthcare
system. Correct article usage
the healthcare
Moreover
, if people
“pay for their health”, counties will get extra income too. It is disgusting.
In conclusion, humanity really need
to change politics and develop healthcare programs. I believe, that Change the verb form
needs
people
in future will live better than now. Also
new government can make Add a comma
Also,
population
more active Add an article
the population
a population
latter
, in place of preparing for the Olympics.
(266 words)Correct your spelling
later
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on
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task achievement
Try to support your arguments with more specific and diverse examples. This will help to strengthen your points and make them more relatable to the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Making clear connections between ideas will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, allowing the reader to follow your argument easily.
task achievement
You have presented a clear standpoint on the topic and provided supporting arguments, which addresses the task effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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