IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart illustrates the usage rates of different technological devices across various age groups in 2023.

The bar chart illustrates the usage rates of different technological devices across various age groups in 2023.
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The bar graph demonstrates the
usage
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 of various technological
devices
Use synonyms
 across different
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 in 2023. The graph presents data for five types of technology: Smartphones, Laptops/PCs, Tablets, Smart
Watches
Use synonyms
, and Smart Home
Devices
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, younger
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 (16-24 years)
show
Use synonyms
 the highest
adoption
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 for most
devices
Use synonyms
, particularly Smartphones (98%), Laptops/PCs (92%), and Smart
Watches
Use synonyms
 (55%).
In contrast
Linking Words
, those aged 55 and above consistently
show
Use synonyms
 the lowest
usage
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 across all categories, with particularly low
adoption
Use synonyms
 of newer technologies
such
Linking Words
 as Smart Home
Devices
Use synonyms
 (12%) and Smart
Watches
Use synonyms
 (15%). Looking at specific
devices
Use synonyms
, Smartphones maintain the highest
usage
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 across all
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
, ranging from 98% among 16-24 year-olds to 65% among those over 55. Interestingly, Tablets
show
Use synonyms
 a different pattern, with peak
usage
Use synonyms
 in the middle
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 (25-44 years), reaching 70% among 35-44 year-olds,
while
Linking Words
 younger users
show
Use synonyms
 relatively lower
adoption
Use synonyms
 at 45%. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 younger
age
Use synonyms
groups
Use synonyms
 generally lead in technology
adoption
Use synonyms
, particularly for newer
devices
Use synonyms
 like Smart
Watches
Use synonyms
, some technologies
such
Linking Words
 as Tablets are more popular among middle-aged users. The data clearly shows a digital divide between generations, with those over 55 showing significantly lower
usage
Use synonyms
rates
Use synonyms
 across all device categories.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "such, while".
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 80%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words usage, rates, devices, age, groups, watches, show, adoption with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "show" was used 5 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: