IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

oung people are leaving their homes from rural areas to study or work in the cities. What are the reasons? Do the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

#oung #people #homes #areas #study #work #cities #development
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Almost
young
Correct determiner usage
all young
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 people are moving from their houses in rural areas to
get
Verb problem
apply
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study and
work
 in the cities. Surely, there are both pros and cons, but I believe
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 outweigh
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
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. One of the main positives of leaving homes in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
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 and living in towns to get a job is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 higher level of living standards.
For instance
,
population
Add an article
the population
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 in the megalopolis grows every year, the reasons are that, more vacancies for workers, good salaries, new acquaintances,
further
Correct word choice
and further
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 growth and development in different spheres. Another advantage is that absolutely more
work
 opportunities. A great example here is
best
Correct article usage
the best
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 schools, colleges and universities are located in the city,
this
 is one of the best
thing
Change to a plural noun
things
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 why youth pass from
Add an article
the suburb
a suburb
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suburb
Fix the agreement mistake
suburbs
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. So, after graduating from higher education, institutes continue to
work
 with the student to
further
 issue a job, which means
further
work
, a good life and a sea of ​​other opportunities directly in the city. Turning to the other side of the argument, decent competition at a high level.
Due to
 the large population, every year there are more and more new highly qualified workers, which increases competition,
costs
Correct word choice
and costs
show examples
 and reduces the chance of finding a good job. Another major disadvantage is environmental issues. Many industrial processes release harmful pollutants into the air, water, and soil, contributing to health problems and ecological damage
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task appropriately but could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the topic. Consider including additional specific examples to support your points, especially when discussing the reasons for youth migration and its impacts.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Improve the logical structure by linking ideas more seamlessly. Try to use more linking words and cohesive devices to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Introduce your essay more clearly by briefly outlining the points you will cover. Make sure to provide a conclusion that summarizes your key arguments and states your position clearly.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced perspective by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the topic.
task achievement
You have provided some good examples to support your points, such as the availability of better educational institutions in cities.
coherence cohesion
The essay clearly articulates the benefits of higher living standards and more work opportunities in cities.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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