IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

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There is an increasing number of music genres in today’s society.
This
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 essay will discuss why listening to them is essential for us and it will
then
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 explain why traditional melodic creations are more important than the international ones known worldwide. Indeed, listening to songs we like can lighten up our mood when we are feeling sad. It allows us to feel better
with
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about
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 ourselves.
Furthermore
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, it can boost our self-confidence which will result in better performances, especially in sports, or in
an
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improved concentration.
For example
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, a
studies
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study
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 led by the TU, the Tokyo University, showed that listening to what we like could increase the number of serotonin and dopamine cells in our brains, which are neurones that contribute to our happiness,
of
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by
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 almost 50%. International hits are known everywhere, but because of
them
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them,
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 the traditional type of music should not stop being listened to. The latter is essential for the country’s culture
,
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 since it represents a part of its history and has been transmitted by parents to their children for hundreds of years.
For instance
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, the city of Avignon, in France, has implemented a very successful music class in school where kids learn about the traditional songs of their city and country. That has allowed the city to transmit a part of its culture.
Moreover
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, it shows that listening to traditional melodic creations is
esential
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essential
 to
transmit
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transmitting
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the
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French History,
while
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 worldwide pop hits will not transmit anything. In conclusion, listening to what we like is very important for our health and
well being
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well-being
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, and
the
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traditional songs are
esential
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essential
 because they represent the culture,
the
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apply
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tradition and history of a certain region, so they are more important than worldwide hits and should keep being listened to.

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task achievement
Include more varied examples to support your points, such as different countries or types of music.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single clear point for improved clarity and coherence.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion clearly outline and summarize the essay's main points.
relevant specific examples
You have provided specific examples, such as the study by Tokyo University, which enhance your argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
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