IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, teenagers are encouraged to find part time jobs. Some think this is a good development while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#countries #teenagers #part #time #jobs #think #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is believed by some
persons
Replace the word
people
show examples
 that part-time jobs are beneficial for
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 community,
however
, some people discourage their children from working part-time because it will have detrimental impacts on teenagers’ academic performance. I believe that teenagers should
work
 in part-time positions because it may be useful for their coming experiences and improve essential skills
while
 working.
To begin
 with, these types of activities can be a negative effect on teenager’s education and personal development.
Thus
, the young who cannot maintain a balance between
work
 and study time may experience academic weakness
due to
 tension, stress and sleep.
For example
, In Nepal, 23% of the youth struggle
as a result
 of the need, which causes their education to be interrupted or their educational achievements to fall.
On the other hand
, working
as
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 a means for adolescents to gain experiences related to life and to form them physically and psychologically.
It is clear that
 every teenager who works makes it easier to decide who he will be when they grow by learning to be patient and resilient and they get great results in their career. Even when they
work
 in different sectors, they choose their planned profession, clarify what they can do, and develop their communication skills by getting to know different people.
To sum up
, no matter how difficult it is to
work
 in early youth, it is a useful issue for the future. As far as I concern, teenagers should manage their time to balance
work
 and study to make the most of part-time jobs.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Work on making your ideas and arguments clearer and more comprehensive. Try to provide more clarity in your position and develop it deeply.
task achievement
Make sure to fully develop your arguments with relevant examples and explanations that directly support your main ideas.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between ideas. Ensure each paragraph connects smoothly to the next and ideas build on each other.
task achievement
Incorporate more specific examples that are closely linked to your main arguments to strengthen them further.
coherence cohesion
You have included an introduction and conclusion, which structure the essay well.
task achievement
You have addressed the task by discussing both views and presenting your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • practical experience
  • career path
  • responsibility
  • time management
  • teamwork
  • adversely affect
  • personal development
  • financial independence
  • money management skills
  • academic performance
  • networking opportunities
  • career exploration
  • professional growth
  • exploitation
  • leisure
  • overall development
What to do next:
Look at other essays: