Successful sport professionals earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions. Some people think this is fully justified, while others think it is unfair. Discuss both views and give your opinion
Earning a huge
amount
of Use synonyms
money
for a successful sport has become a vital issue of debate. Use synonyms
While
some individuals believe that it is fair, others would argue that they must not earn Linking Words
this
Linking Words
amount
of Use synonyms
money
. Both sides of the argument have highlighted noticeable viewpoints which will be discussed by following my own view.
Use synonyms
Firstly
, being a professional sporty needs long Linking Words
years
of practice and Use synonyms
effort
. Use synonyms
Although
some Linking Words
people
believe that they earn more Use synonyms
money
than must earn, many individuals agree with Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
amount
over earning Use synonyms
money
. Use synonyms
It is clear that
these professional Linking Words
people
have made an excessive Use synonyms
effort
to meet their needs and goals over the Use synonyms
years
, So it is crucial to support and encourage them with countless Use synonyms
money
in order to achieve their goals. Use synonyms
Therefore
, these achievements not only bring a sense of pride for both Linking Words
societies
and sports as a whole but can Use synonyms
also
lead to various benefits for Linking Words
societies
. A prime illustration of Use synonyms
this
is David Beckham, a professional football player who has become dramatically well-known over the Linking Words
years
, his achievements contribute to financial income for Use synonyms
societies
too, Use synonyms
due to
the fact that his fanners are completely interested in spending a significant Linking Words
amount
of Use synonyms
money
to meet him for just a short time. Use synonyms
As a result
, Linking Words
this
kind of desire, yields stream Linking Words
money
to his born country.
Use synonyms
On the other hand
, Linking Words
societies
and communication have faced numerous challenges in various sectors, Use synonyms
such
as the healthcare sector. Linking Words
Thus
, if governments earn a huge Linking Words
amount
of Use synonyms
money
for these individuals, Use synonyms
this
trend will significantly lead to harmful consequences. Linking Words
In other words
, Linking Words
although
achieving fame gradually, requires many Linking Words
years
of Use synonyms
effort
, other careers Use synonyms
such
as doctors and nurses are more essential for Linking Words
societies
. Use synonyms
For instance
, Linking Words
due to
the pandemic period, if doctors and health sector personalities had not made numerous efforts to help Linking Words
people
, the number of deaths would become significantly higher. Use synonyms
As a result
, many Linking Words
people
in these careers and professions are fairer to earn a Use synonyms
lot
Add the preposition
lot of
money
.
In conclusion, it is highlighted that there are various opinions about the Use synonyms
amount
of Use synonyms
money
for professional spots. Use synonyms
While
some Linking Words
people
agree with Use synonyms
this
earning countless Linking Words
money
for those who make an excessive Use synonyms
effort
to achieve goals, others disagree and believe that other professional careers Use synonyms
such
as being a doctor or nurse require much more attention. I strongly agree with the second view.Linking Words
Submitted by mahanz on
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Task Achievement
Although the essay addresses both views and provides an opinion, it could benefit from more balanced and deeper analysis. Consider providing more equally detailed arguments for both sides.
Task Achievement
Ensure that each paragraph supports its main idea more thoroughly with further elaboration and evidence. This will make your points more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay has a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, ensuring smoother transitions between some ideas can enhance cohesion.
Coherence and Cohesion
Consider using linking words and phrases more effectively to enhance the flow and organization of your essay.
Task Achievement
Addresses both sides of the debate and provides a clear opinion in the conclusion.
Coherence and Cohesion
There is a logical progression of ideas from the introduction to the conclusion.
Task Achievement
Relevant examples, such as David Beckham and the healthcare sector, are provided to support your points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example