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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

73.Some people think that the environmental problems are too big for individuals to solve. Others, however, believe that these problems cannot be solved if individuals do not take actions. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #individuals #actions
At present
people
 are mainly responsible for environmental pollution which is the biggest concern for our existence. Some
people
 believe that these
issues
 are very difficult to solve by individuals,
whereas
 others consider that environmental difficulties can not be overcome if responsibilities are not taken by each person.
This
 essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favour of the
later
Correct your spelling
latter
show examples
.
To begin
 with, pollution in the
environment
 is the greatest threat to the existence of the world . There are various types of problems in
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 but major
issues
 are the significant increase in temperatures and the emission of carbon dioxide. In recent years a number of organisations have taken
steps
 to prevent these problems that needed the support of a huge amount of the population. These
issues
 are burdens for individual
people
 because anyone can not solve them by their own initiative.
In addition
, industrialization is one of the largest reasons for environmental hazards,
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 is continuously affected by its wastes.
Furthermore
, some alternative ways need to be found in industry to reduce the
harm
Replace the word
harmful
show examples
 objects ,where a large number of financial support and manpower is necessary.
On the other hand
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can take essential
steps
 in
this
 regard by establishing some rules and regulations against it.
Moreover
, they can restrict the activities that are harmful to the
environment
 and include fines against their work.
However
, the following
steps
 will not be successful if
people
 are not supportive of
this
 idea.
Therefore
, if
people
 are not aware of environmental pollution it is not possible to decrease the harmful factors which are a threat to our lives. In my opinion, I think that environmental
issues
 are too large to solve by one, different organisations and governments should take the necessary
steps
 to overcome the situation. In conclusion, If
people
 are not helpful in solving environmental difficulties , it will not be possible to save nature, perhaps, individuals are helpless if they are trying to solve
this
 alone.
Submitted by jisan.path1506605 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically to the next. Adding linking words could improve cohesion.
task achievement
Try to address both views equally in terms of detail and argument strength.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
You provide a clear stance in the conclusion, which helps to solidify your opinion on the matter.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global warming
  • pollution
  • deforestation
  • overwhelming
  • Paris Agreement
  • sustainable practices
  • waste reduction
  • conserving energy
  • market demands
  • awareness campaigns
  • systemic change
  • ripple effect
  • environmental degradation
  • lifestyle choices
  • regulations
  • accountability
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