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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that wild animals should not be kept in zoo. Others believe that there are good reasons for having. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

The debate over whether wild
animals
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 should be kept in
zoos
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 has been ongoing for many years.
While
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 some people argue that it is unethical and harmful to confine wild
animals
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 to a zoo environment, others believe that
zoos
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 play a crucial role in
conservation
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, education, and research.
This
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 essay will examine both viewpoints before offering my opinion. On one hand, critics of
zoos
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 contend that wild
animals
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 should not be held in captivity because it deprives them of their natural habitats and instincts. In the wild,
animals
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 roam freely and engage in behaviours that are essential to their well-being,
such
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 as hunting, foraging, or migrating. Confined spaces in
zoos
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 are often much smaller than their natural environments, which can lead to physical and psychological stress. Many
animals
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 in
zoos
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 exhibit abnormal behaviours,
such
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 as pacing or self-harming, which are signs of distress.
Furthermore
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, the conditions in
zoos
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 cannot replicate the complexity and variety of the wild, often leading to reduced life expectancy and
overall
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 health for the
animals
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.
On the other hand
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, proponents of
zoos
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 argue that they serve several important purposes. First and foremost,
zoos
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 are often involved in
conservation
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 efforts, particularly for endangered
species
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. Many
animals
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 are at risk of extinction
due to
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 habitat loss, poaching, and climate change.
Zoos
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 provide a safe environment where breeding programs can help increase the population of these
species
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 and, in some cases, reintroduce them into the wild.
Zoos
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also
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 educate the public about wildlife and environmental
conservation
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, helping to raise awareness and support for the protection of natural habitats.
Additionally
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,
zoos
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 play an important role in scientific research, offering opportunities to study animal behaviour, genetics, and health, which can inform
conservation
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 strategies. In my opinion,
while
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 the ethical concerns about keeping wild
animals
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 in captivity are valid,
zoos
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 can be beneficial if they focus on
conservation
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, education, and animal welfare.
Zoos
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 should be held to high standards of care, ensuring that
animals
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 live in environments that are as close to their natural habitats as possible. Efforts should be made to provide larger, more enriching enclosures,
as well as
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 promote programs aimed at wildlife preservation and rehabilitation. When managed well,
zoos
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 can be a valuable tool in the fight against extinction and in fostering a greater appreciation for wildlife. In conclusion, the issue of keeping wild
animals
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 in
zoos
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 is complex and involves balancing ethical concerns with the potential benefits of
conservation
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 and education.
While
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 captivity may not be ideal for all
species
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,
zoos
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 can serve a positive role if they prioritize animal welfare and contribute to efforts aimed at preserving endangered
species
Use synonyms

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task achievement
The essay could benefit from more specific examples to illustrate points, enhancing the persuasiveness of the arguments presented.
coherence cohesion
While the arguments are well-structured, consider using more varied linking words to further enhance cohesion.
task achievement
The essay provides a balanced discussion of both viewpoints, showing a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured, with a clear introduction, well-developed body paragraphs, and a succinct conclusion.
coherence cohesion
The use of language is fluent and clear, aiding the comprehensibility of the arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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