IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is generally accepted that working part-time to earn money as a teenager is essential. While this activity may educate youngsters the basics of working and discipline, it can also affect their resting time. Thus, this essay will discuss both views.

#money #teenager #activity #youngsters #basics #discipline #time
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Lately, a plethora of topics are being seriously talked about among various individuals and groups, and one prominent one is working part-
time
 to earn
money
 as a teenager is essential.
However
, some people believe that
such
 an activity may affect their resting
time
. I firmly agree with the first statement
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 earning
money
 as a
teenagers
Change the noun form
teenager
show examples
 is essential.
This
 essay will discuss the
debateable
Correct your spelling
debatable
 issue. First of all, being a part-timer teaches
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
teenagers the importance of
time
 management.
Instead
 of affecting their
breaktime
Correct your spelling
break time
show examples
, they should be able to arrange when is the right
time
 to take some off
time
.
For instance
, if they
had
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 school from 7 a.
m
 to 3 p.
m
 and a job
at
Change preposition
from
show examples
 6 p.
m
 to 8
p.
Correct your spelling
p.m.
m
, they can organize their resting
time
 in between or after their job.
Furthermore
, they can use
this
 knowledge when they get busier
further
 in life. Second of all, they get to learn the importance of
hardworks
Correct your spelling
hard work
 to achieve what they want. If they always rely on their parents, they will find it hard when they get to live on their own. it will be difficult for them to balance things on their own if they learn how to do things too late.
For example
, they may have some difficulties saving their
money
 for their needs.
This
 could happen because
they're not use
Change the verb form
they're not used
they're not using
show examples
 to
do
Wrong verb form
doing
show examples
 the
hardworks
Correct your spelling
hard work
 in earning things. In conclusion,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 firmly believe that teenagers should learn ways to earn their own
money
, mainly because it teaches them the
values
Fix the agreement mistake
value
show examples
 of living by themselves.
Hence
, they should learn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
managements
Fix the agreement mistake
management
show examples
 and
hardworks
Correct your spelling
hard work
hard works
 by working as a part-timer.
Submitted by arrafiv on

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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay presents a clear stance on the topic and provides a logical progression of ideas. However, the organization could be improved by creating clearer paragraph divisions and making better use of linking words.
Task Achievement
The essay sufficiently addresses the task and presents some detailed ideas and examples. However, it could benefit from deeper analysis and a wider range of examples to support the points made.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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