IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

People are not exercising regularly, even though they know it is beneficial for their health. Why is this problem? What can be sone to tackle it?

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There are various ways can make
people
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 achieve better health, and doing physical activities is one of the main options.
While
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 individuals understand how good can
exercise
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 be beneficial to our health, they still seldom do it. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss the reasons, and
then
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 describe the solutions to the problems in the following paragraphs. Nowadays, with the change in the way of work, overtime work is a common phenomenon. Busy workloads contribute to a lack of
time
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, making
people
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 difficult to
exercise
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.
Additionally
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, heavy work always runs out of individuals' mental and physical energy, making it harder to spend other
time
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 doing
exercise
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.
Therefore
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, to tackle
this
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 problem, companies should take responsibility to change it by reducing working overtime and letting
people
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 engage in physical activities more in their spare
time
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.
On the other hand
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, the money, which is spent on
exercise
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 is another crucial problem. Doing a budget
exercise
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 can be tough because of the high expense of the facilities, sports equipment, venue, and so on;
hence
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,
people
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 usually give up exercising
due to
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 being unaffordable. A solution is for the government to offer not only more subsidies for physical activities but
also
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 free option places for
people
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 to enjoy exercising without concerning the budget.
To sum up
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,
while
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 there are some solutions for solving a lack of
exercise
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 issues,
such
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 as the reduced working
time
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 by companies and the increased subsidy by the government, it still needs
people
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 to conduct it by themselves. Even though there are many good changes, if
people
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 are not moving on to do it, every improvement is useless.

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task achievement
Enhance the specificity and variety of your examples to strengthen your argument. Include more concrete details or real-world scenarios to better support your points.
coherence cohesion
Consider transitioning more smoothly between ideas and paragraphs. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to achieve better flow throughout your essay.
task achievement
Work on developing your ideas further. While your response addresses the prompt, deeper exploration of each point could provide a more thorough understanding of the issue and potential solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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