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Band 7.5

People are not exercising regularly, even though they know it is beneficial for their health. Why is this problem? What can be sone to tackle it?

#people #health #sone
There are various ways can make
people
 achieve better health, and doing physical activities is one of the main options.
While
 individuals understand how good can
exercise
 be beneficial to our health, they still seldom do it. In
this
 essay, I will discuss the reasons, and
then
 describe the solutions to the problems in the following paragraphs. Nowadays, with the change in the way of work, overtime work is a common phenomenon. Busy workloads contribute to a lack of
time
, making
people
 difficult to
exercise
.
Additionally
, heavy work always runs out of individuals' mental and physical energy, making it harder to spend other
time
 doing
exercise
.
Therefore
, to tackle
this
 problem, companies should take responsibility to change it by reducing working overtime and letting
people
 engage in physical activities more in their spare
time
.
On the other hand
, the money, which is spent on
exercise
 is another crucial problem. Doing a budget
exercise
 can be tough because of the high expense of the facilities, sports equipment, venue, and so on;
hence
,
people
 usually give up exercising
due to
 being unaffordable. A solution is for the government to offer not only more subsidies for physical activities but
also
 free option places for
people
 to enjoy exercising without concerning the budget.
To sum up
,
while
 there are some solutions for solving a lack of
exercise
 issues,
such
 as the reduced working
time
 by companies and the increased subsidy by the government, it still needs
people
 to conduct it by themselves. Even though there are many good changes, if
people
 are not moving on to do it, every improvement is useless.
Submitted by Chloe on

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task achievement
Enhance the specificity and variety of your examples to strengthen your argument. Include more concrete details or real-world scenarios to better support your points.
coherence cohesion
Consider transitioning more smoothly between ideas and paragraphs. Use a wider range of linking words and phrases to achieve better flow throughout your essay.
task achievement
Work on developing your ideas further. While your response addresses the prompt, deeper exploration of each point could provide a more thorough understanding of the issue and potential solutions.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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