More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Recently, a vast majority of
people
have suffered overweight. Many
individuals
claim that to solve a problem is to elevate the
price
of fat-containing
foods
.
However
,
this
tendency has a detrimental impact on the economy, I mostly disagree that increasing prices can deter
people
from consuming unhealthy
food
. Admittedly, increased prices of fattening
foods
play an essential role in order to grapple with a problem. A major reason is that
this
phenomenon incentivizes
people
to healthier
food
choices. If they become intake naturally eatable, they will be healthier.
For instance
, in Finland,
individuals
tend to consume more nutrition-rich
food
because of the expensive cost of fast
food
.
However
,
this
tendency has a devastating impact on low-income families.
This
means that
individuals
who rely on cheaper, fatty
foods
to meet their regular diet face financial instability.
Therefore
, an increase in the
price
of fast
food
has not always lasting effect on the country.
Additionally
, the proponents of the view against an increase in the
price
of junk
food
suggest that it affects negatively the
food
industry. One of the obvious reasons is that the selling of fattening
foods
in fast
food
restaurants might decline owing to lower demand. As long as these businesses are able to experience a significant decrease in their income, they will pay little money to the country.
Hence
, it has a profound impact on not only fast-
food
chains but
also
the budget of the country.
Furthermore
, the authorities could implement some precautions rather than raising the
price
of fattening nutrients. As an example, in Turkey, advertising has been used to promote
individuals
which leads to mitigation of the overweight rate.
Therefore
, other solutions can help
people
to grapple with obesity. In conclusion,
while
a growth in the
price
of fatting nourishment could encourage
individuals
to healthier ones, I am of the opinion that
this
pattern has a profound influence on not only society but
also
the economy.
Hence
, there are better options in order to avoid obesity,
such
as raising public awareness.
Submitted by ilkin.abdullaev04 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to maintain consistent use of vocabulary throughout your essay to avoid confusion. For example, 'overeating' and 'overweight' are used but the topic focuses on 'overweight.'
task achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion; explain counter-arguments with equal depth as your main arguments, especially in persuasive essays.
task achievement
While your ideas are clear, some sentences could be simplified to improve readability. Consider breaking down long sentences.
introduction conclusion
You have clearly stated your viewpoint in the introduction and provided a suitable conclusion.
supported main points
Your essay presents relevant examples that support your main points effectively.
logical structure
Excellent effort in exploring both sides of the argument regarding the impact of increasing the price of unhealthy foods.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • obesity
  • overweight
  • fattening foods
  • calorie-dense
  • healthier food choices
  • taxation
  • economic implications
  • social implications
  • subsidies
  • nutritional education
  • public health campaigns
  • nanny state
  • individual's right
  • consumer behavior
  • preventative measures
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