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Writing Samples
Band 8

Some people say that schools should concentrate on teaching students academic subjets that will be useful for their future careers. Other people say that subjects such as music and sports are also necessary. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #schools #students #subjets #future #careers #subjects #music #sports
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Nowadays the majority of schools have subjects like music and sports,but some people think these are unnecessary for academic lessons.
This
 essay will discuss
firstly
 the importance level of academic studies,
then
 shape it by adding some facts about the effects of melody and athletics in pupils' lives, eventually, it will be finished by involving my own perspective which is based on academics.
To begin
 with, academic educational programs
such
 as mathematics, history and science are considered the foundation of study.
In other words
, they equip students with critical thinking, analytical skills and qualifications required for their future careers
as well as
 higher education.
For example
, mathematics is essential for 38% of careers
such
 as finance and engineering,
while
 history helps to preserve the cultural and societal values of nations.
On the other hand
, singing songs and doing exercises offer significant benefits that contribute to teenagers' personal growth. Physical schooling encourages the young to stay active, fostering physical health and reducing the risk of lifestyle-related illnesses.
Similarly
, opera lessons allow learners to explore their creative talents and develop hobbies that can bring lifelong satisfaction.
For instance
, participating in a school choir or an athletics team teaches teamwork, discipline, and time management skills that are valuable in any career. In my opinion, both academic and non-academic modules are essential for balanced learning. Whilst academic studies prepare adolescents for professional success, enjoyable activities nurture creativity and physical health. A holistic approach that incorporates both will ensure pupils are well-prepared for the challenges of life. In conclusion, schools should aim to strike a balance between academic and non-academic ones. By doing so, they can help youngsters develop both the intellectual and personal skills needed for a successful and fulfilling future.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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task achievement
Consider expanding on the examples provided to further strengthen your points with more supporting details or evidence.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to maintain a steady flow of ideas. This might involve connecting thoughts in a more seamless manner.
coherence and cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, framing the discussion effectively.
task achievement
Both perspectives are discussed and supported with examples, demonstrating a balanced understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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