Tobacco should be treated as illegal like other drugs. Smoking has not a single positive issue but lots of negative effects and therefore, it should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above statement.
There is an idea which says tobacco has to be dealt with the same as other drugs.
this
idea believes that smoking due to
numerous adverse effects with no benefits on the other side has to be banned. In my opinion, this
idea is highly recommended and its feasibility needs to be evaluated.
Needless to say, for mankind, health and well-being have the utmost importance throughout life therefore
, in order to obtain this
achievement it needs to be supervised carefully and thoroughly. For instance
, some assume that if consuming cigarettes does not happen regularly then
it is considered amusement and will not lead to addiction. Like times youth gather in one place and enjoy their reunion. However
, we should bear in mind that addiction to any kind of drug takes place gradually and step by step and one day it becomes inevitable. All in all, the result is negative despite some minor enjoyments.
Moreover
, uncontrolled proliferation in terms of drug abuse these days is obvious and it seems governments are not capable of watching it over. As a result
, we observe a great number of addicted people all over the world mainly in underdeveloped countries. A case in point, South American countries are suffering from an increased number of such
people , some of whom are a threat to other's security. Not only does it impact people's well-being but it also
raises the state's expense in order to rehabilitate them . In a nutshell, we infer that using of tobacco and its products along with
smoking should be banned in order to benefit from a safe and healthy life.
Given these circumstances, I strongly believe that one of the governments' missions has to be oversight and controlling tobacco and its product consumption along with
putting some restrictions on smoking .If they do not do it, there will be huge consequences stemming from it and will lead to an unhealthy society.Submitted by keyhan454 on
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Clarity
Your introduction starts the essay well, but consider rephrasing for clarity. For example, 'There is an idea which says tobacco has to be dealt with the same as other drugs.' could be clearer and more direct.
Coherence
To improve coherence, try to link your paragraphs more explicitly. For instance, you could use phrases like 'Another reason why...' or 'Furthermore...' to connect your points more smoothly.
Evidence
You've done well in supporting your points with examples and reasons, but incorporating more specific examples or case studies could strengthen your argument further. For example, detailing the steps some countries have taken to control tobacco use could add depth.
Conclusion
Your conclusion summarizes your opinion well, but make sure it reinforces your main arguments more explicitly. Restating how the points made earlier support your stance could strengthen the impact of your conclusion.
Position
Your essay presents a clear stance on the issue, effectively supporting the idea that tobacco use should be treated as illegal.
Language Use
You've demonstrated a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary, which enhances the readability of your essay.
Organisation
Your paragraphs are well-organized, with each focusing on a separate point related to the essay topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example