Some people believe music plays an important role in society, while others think it is only a form of entertainment for individuals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
These days, there is a widespread disagreement on the issue of whether
music
has a positive impact on humans’ lives or is just a tool for entertaining people. While
some contend that it has just entertainment consumption, in this
essay, I intend to argue that music
has had a beneficial impact on people and the whole of society. The reasons for this
are as follows.
It is obvious that some feel that music
has no vital importance in individuals’ lives as other issues like food or education. It is usually played for dancing at parties or during sports and walking. So, lack of it would cause no significant disruption or harm in everyday life. Additionally
, some countries even have taken a prohibitionist approach toward playing music
while
driving cars since it can distract drivers’ attention, resulting in fatal accidents.
Nonetheless
, I believe that music
has had a considerable role in curing illnesses and enhancing the quality of life. It has been scientifically proven that listening to music
increases the released dopamine in the brain, leading to increased efficiency of its performance and other organs in the body. Importantly, it has numerous medical applications. According to
research done in a hospital in York City in 2010, playing light suites to sufferers of heart attack in ICU increased their improvement trend to 30%. Thus
, paying more attention to music
could have an effective and advantageous impact on society.
By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that music
is not redundant at all, rather, have the capability to improve the quality of life for all creatures. I think prevailing the idea of playing music
in all fields like education and work is justifiedSubmitted by golriiz.azizi1991 on
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task achievement
Ensure the essay maintains clarity, especially while differentiating between the views on music's role as entertainment or a societal benefit. Aim to simplify complex sentences to avoid ambiguity.
coherence cohesion
Improve cohesion by ensuring smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow. The essay is mostly coherent, but using clear linking devices systematically can boost understanding.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views on the role of music, offering a balanced and thoughtful discussion of the topic.
task achievement
The use of relevant examples, like the study in York City, strengthens the argument and demonstrates knowledge of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets up the topic, and the conclusion succinctly reaffirms your opinion, providing a solid structure to the essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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