Some people believe music plays an important role in society, while others think it is only a form of entertainment for individuals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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These days, there is a widespread disagreement on the issue of whether

music

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has positive impacts on human

life

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or is just a tool for entertaining people.

While

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some contend that it has just entertainment consumption, I firmly believe that

music

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has had beneficial impacts on people and the whole of society.

This

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essay will explore both perspectives and illustrate why

music

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such

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essential. On the one hand, some feel that

music

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has no vital importance in individuals’ lives like food or education. It is usually played for dancing at parties or during sports and walking. So, its absence would cause no significant disruption or harm in everyday

life

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Additionally

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, some countries even have taken a prohibitionist approach toward playing

music

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while

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driving cars. Because, it distracts drivers’ attention, resulting in fatal accidents.

This

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perspective so highlights the belief that

music

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is non-essential in

life

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Nonetheless

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, I strongly believe that

music

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has had a considerable role in curing illnesses and enhancing the quality of

life

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. It has been scientifically proven that listening to

music

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increases the released dopamine in the brain, leading to increased efficiency of its performance and other organs in the body.

Similarly

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, it has numerous medical applications.

According to

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research done in York City Hospital in 2010, playing light suites to sufferers of heart attack in ICU increased their improvement speed to 30% compared to those who experienced the same disease.

Thus

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, paying more attention to

music

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could have an effective and advantageous impact on society. By way of conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that

music

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is not redundant at all, rather, have the capability to improve the quality of

life

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for all creatures. I think integrating

music

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into other fields instantly education and work would be entirely justified.

golriiz.azizi1991Thu Nov 21 2024

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task achievement

Ensure to address all aspects of the task, and clearly explain contrasting viewpoints before clearly stating your position. Integrate relevant examples to support your perspective further.

coherence cohesion

Though your logical structure is commendable, make smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance overall cohesion. Consider linking ideas more seamlessly to provide better flow.

introduction conclusion present

Your introduction is engaging and effectively outlines the scope and purpose of the essay. Additionally, your conclusion sufficiently reiterates your position, which strengthens your argument.

logical structure

The essay presents a coherent structure, dividing different views into distinct paragraphs, which aids the reader's comprehension.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
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meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

295 words

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Some people believe music plays an important role in society, while others think it is only a form of entertainment for individuals. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Some feel that movies and tv shows are a good way to study history despite their lack of historical accuracy at times. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Fewer young people choose to work in farming. What are the reasons? Should young people be encouraged to do farming work?

Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed rather than to work with a company or organization. What might be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self employed?