IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that everyone has a right to have access to university education and that goverments should make it free for all students no matter what financial background they have. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #right #access #university #education #goverments #students #matter #background
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is undeniable that
education
 is the most essential part of children's holistic growth since many people claim that the government should cover all the expenses for their studies
such
 as their university fees rather than looking at their social background. I partially agree with
this
 notion
due to
 the reasons explained in the following paragraphs.
To begin
 with, the reasons why authorities should not provide free
education
 to all.
Firstly
, it makes them dependent on others for everything and the habit of reliability has had an adverse impact on children's future. To be precise, when they have to pay their whole tuition fee on their own, it becomes their responsibility and to do so, they have to do part-time work which teaches them the value of
money
.
For instance
, international students are the best example of
this
 because they earn and spend
money
according to
 their own will.
Hence
, they try to spend their hard-earned
money
 for their betterment rather than wasting it on useless products.
Secondly
, it aids in making them self-reliable, a person who takes their decision on their own related to their study and others because they are independent now and know what is good and bad for them.
Therefore
, by looking at children like
this
 it feels that the future of the country is in safe hands.
However
,
education
 is considered a fundamental right, and providing free educational institutes ensures that individuals from all financial backgrounds have an equal opportunity to achieve higher
education
 and improve their socio-economic status. Meanwhile, if everyone has access to higher knowledge it helps them get a good job which indirectly provides benefits to the government as by investing in
education
, they can create a more knowledgeable and skilled workforce, which leads to economic growth, innovation and more competitive market as they are the one who pays a hefty amount of taxes after getting their job.
Thus
, the
money
 they spend on students
get
Change the verb form
gets
show examples
 back to them after
sometimes
Correct your spelling
some time
show examples
.
To conclude
,
although
 providing
money
 to students for their
education
 helps them
in gaining
Wrong verb form
gain
show examples
education
Correct article usage
an education
show examples
Submitted by k7jassu on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Strengthen your conclusion; it's currently incomplete.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, which will enhance clarity and persuasiveness.
coherence cohesion
Clear introduction that presents the viewpoint and outlines the structure of the essay.
task achievement
Addresses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced approach to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Equitable access
  • Socio-economic status
  • Economic growth
  • Skilled workforce
  • Student debt
  • Social mobility
  • Cycle of poverty
  • Financial burdens
  • Education quality
  • Public services
What to do next:
Look at other essays: