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Writing Samples
Band 5

One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

#consequences #care #people #life #expectancy #outweigh
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Now
people
Use synonyms
 are able to live more than before and whole
life
Use synonyms
 expectancy is expanding. The main reason
of
Change preposition
for
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this
Linking Words
 statement is
an
Correct article usage
the
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 improvement of medicine. In my point of view, there are
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
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 more
outweighing
Correct word choice
apply
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pros than cons. I am going to explain
this
Linking Words
 in the essay. On the one hand, humanity has a great opportunity to develop the
world
Use synonyms
, because now it has more
time
Use synonyms
 for education and improving living conditions. Earlier
people
Use synonyms
 could not study and did not have any chances to enjoy their lives. Only rich men were able to work and do what they
want
Wrong verb form
wanted
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.
However
Linking Words
, nowadays humans have enough
time
Use synonyms
 to make
life
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 better.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
population
Add an article
the population
a population
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 can spend more
time
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 on entertainment.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Japan citizens have been working since their birth. But
currently
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currently,
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 they can relax and visit
whole
Change the article
the whole
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world
Use synonyms
 in retirement
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 because
Use synonyms
life
Correct your spelling
lifetime
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time
Use synonyms
 has increased.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the number of
people
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 on Earth is
expending
Correct your spelling
expanding
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. Soon humanity will not find
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
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 products for
life
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 scientists in the
future
Add a comma
future,
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 the ecology of the planet will get so terrible, that
people
Use synonyms
 will not even be able to survive.
Finally
Linking Words
, if medical workers find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 way to make immortal humans, the whole
world
Use synonyms
 will be so overpopulated that
people
Use synonyms
 must kill each other to clear the area. In conclusion,
a
Correct article usage
the
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 current generation has an excellent chance to develop the planet by giving more living
time
Use synonyms
 for
people
Use synonyms
. In my opinion,
this
Linking Words
 opportunity will change the
world
Use synonyms
 in the right way. Humanity really needs to spend it to make
the
Correct article usage
a
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 brilliant memory with friends and family. (267 words)
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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task achievement
Try to develop your ideas and arguments a bit further to ensure you are fully addressing the prompt's complexities.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has clear topic sentences and transitions for smoother readability.
task achievement
The essay presents both advantages and disadvantages of increased life expectancy, which contributes to a balanced response.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion help to frame the essay effectively, providing a clear start and a thoughtful ending.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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