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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many Offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment, why is this happening and what measures can be taken to tackle thusproblem?

#offenders #crimes #first #punishment #measures #thusproblem
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Several
criminals
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 are likely to commit other offences after serving their initial term, owing to their incapacity to maintain economic stability and difficulty finding suitable employment.
However
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, there are several options for dealing with
this
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 scenario,
such
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 as providing financial assistance and instilling the necessary skills.
This
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 essay will look at why
criminals
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 commit the same
crimes
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 over and over again and how to avoid them.
To begin
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 with, most first-time convicts commit
crimes
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 after serving their first sentence
due to
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 the lack of employment options and opportunities to retrain and master new skills to make a living.
Moreover
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, since society does not accept the convicts as respectable people anymore, they join hands with their criminal friends and perpetuate the same
crimes
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,
such
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 as pickpocketing or robbing, to make ends meet and avail basic necessities.
As a result
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, the financial hardships of the perpetrators prompt them to recommit the
crimes
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 regardless of the repercussions. There are some viable measures to
rehabiliate
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rehabilitate
 habitual
criminals
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. The government can provide financial assistance to them after they complete their sentence as
this
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 will help them stabilize their economic status and make a living for themselves. The government can
also
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 ensure that
criminals
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 have the opportunity to retrain vital skills
while
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 in prison, as
this
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 will help them find stable work after their sentence is over and will improve their reintegration into society and financial development.
To sum up
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, the convicts recommit the
crimes
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 owing to a lack of financial help, job opportunities, and rehabilitation. Still, crime rates would drop considerably if the government implemented the above-mentioned measures and kept a close eye on first-time offenders once set free.
Submitted by drnivyamohan1992 on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or case studies to illustrate your points about why offenders struggle after prison and how measures can help.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing transition between paragraphs to improve overall flow and coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, nicely encapsulating the argument.
task achievement
A comprehensive response is provided to the task, addressing both why this happens and potential solutions.
task achievement
The main points in the essay are thoroughly explained and supported with logical reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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