Some people think that individuals who make a lot of money are most successful. Other think that those who contribute to society like teachers and scientists are most successful. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Many
people
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believe that an individual who has established his own business is more successful than others,
while
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some think that those who
work
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for their society
such
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as teachers and scientists most successful .
However
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, in my opinion , I believe success is
people
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who
work
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for their benefit
as well as
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their community.
To begin
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with ,
people
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who thought that private business shows how is the person successful. They have several reasons behind their view . They value those who began from scratch without any funds or support from any authority .
For instance
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, the majority of
people
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in the USA consider those who own their company in high status like Snapchat and Facebook owners as they believe these
people
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are the most successful .
In addition
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to that they are quite famous for those who
work
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as teachers,police officers, and so on in their community .
On the other hand
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, most
people
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give status to workers in social service fields . Because they find them presenting something can help the community to develop .
Moreover
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, they considered them as role models as they can have a positive effect throughout the country .
For example
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, teachers ,doctors ,and engineers ,
this
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category is highly educated and they
work
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hard in order to have a good position in the future, not only for themselves but
also
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for society .
To sum up
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, both sides have downsides and upsides, as they each present their arguments to define who is successful . I believe a successful person who has contributed to their country , like , police officers ,judges and so on ,
due to
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the observable impact that we can see in reality
Submitted by rwnalanezi on

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content advice
It would help to expand on examples provided, offering specific scenarios or evidence that underpin the points you are making. For instance, mentioning real-time contributions by teachers, scientists, and how they directly affect society.
language advice
Try to use more varied vocabulary and synonyms to avoid repetition and enhance readability. It will make your argument more engaging.
structure advice
Ensure every paragraph is clearly focused on a single idea or topic, and transitions between paragraphs are smooth to improve the flow of the essay.
content highlight
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both perspectives on success, which strengthens its argumentative depth.
structure highlight
A clear introduction and conclusion are provided, outlining the topic effectively and summarizing the main points.
logic highlight
The structure of the essay, with distinct paragraphs addressing each viewpoint, aids in maintaining a logical flow.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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