IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

some people think that children should not watch telvision as it has negative effects while some people believe that they should watch television as it helps them in their future. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #children #telvision #effects #television #future
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Telly is considered a mode of information where you can watch anything whether it is a news medium or a music
avenue
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venue
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. Some people believe grown-ups should not watch telly as it is not sensible for their character
while
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 others say it is beneficial for their upcoming life. In
this
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 passage, I am going to discuss both viewpoints explain my opinion in the following paragraph and come up with a logical conclusion.
Firstly
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, those people who do not agree that adolescents should not watch digital boxes as it is not appropriate for their health. Spending long hours in front
audio
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of audio
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 can directly affect their eyesight and health problems
such
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 as
,
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apply
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 obesity. Every child is so fascinated with
this
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 technology that they compromise their studies and outdoor activities which leads to low academic scores and health issues.
For instance
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, In 2002, the data was collected and 75% of teenagers wore contact glasses because of spending long hours in front of the television and 20% of children had excess weight issues.
However
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, few people discuss that it is very helpful for their kid's future. They believe that it is best for their child to get knowledge about current affairs in the country from news
channels
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 and get more information about many other fields. There are many channel options available on television
such
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 as news
channels
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, history
channels
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 and geography
channels
Use synonyms
 where they get various knowledge about different cultures and learn about their languages and history. In my opinion, having technology made our life so easy and it is the responsibility of their parents to recognise what is good for the teenagers. There is no 100 per cent negative effect of revulsion. It depends on the child which channel they want to watch and
that is
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 the main point
Submitted by shubhdeepkaur2 on

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introduction conclusion present
Try to develop your introduction more clearly to better set the stage for your discussion. A good introduction includes a clear thesis statement outlining the main points you will discuss.
logical structure
Enhance the linkage between points and paragraphs by using more cohesive devices. This helps structure your arguments clearly and makes your essay easier to follow.
relevant specific examples
Provide specific examples to support your points. This not only makes your argument more robust but also demonstrates a deeper understanding of the topic.
complete response
The essay addresses the task and discusses both views, fulfilling the requirement of the task prompt.
clear comprehensive ideas
The essay provides a balanced view of both perspectives on children's TV watching, showing an understanding of the debate.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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