IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Competitiveness is generally considered a good quality for people to have in society. Do you think it is a positive development or negative trend ? how ddoes competitiveness affect individuals?

#competitiveness #quality #people #society #development #trend #ddoes #individuals
These days, we can see the members of society are competitive with each other, so it has a good quality on the population.
This
 essay
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 discusses the type of
this
 development and its influence on the
people
. In my opinion,
this
 happening is a positive development owing to the fact that when the
people
 in
one
 work have competitiveness, they try to improve their skills and create a chance that the goods become better.
for example
, a company that produces shoes for
one
 region can sell their items at the highest price and low quality because
people
 do not have other selections;
in contrast
, when some various factories make shoes for a district, they want to sell more; in fact, they improve their qualities and reduce their cost to increase their profit. Competitiveness has impacts on
people
's mental and ability. On the
one
 side, Competitiveness has a negative effect on communities' mental health inasmuch as for the
one
 position the selector wants limited
people
;
additionally
, the whole
people
 like to catch it;
as a result
,they stress out and when
this
 evidence repeats for a long time humanes' mental issues climb. On the other side,
this
 phenomenon has a positive effect on
people
 to enhance their ability and invent new elements .
To sum up
, the fact
that is
 really important is that competition has a lot of benefits for not only global inhabitants but
also
 firms to get their skills and products better and find the optimal situation;
nevertheless
,
this
 factor has a bad influence on
people
's mental health.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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introduction conclusion
Try to provide a more structured introduction by clearly stating your position on the topic from the beginning and laying out the main points that will be discussed.
logical structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and further develop it with more precise examples. Aiming for balance will improve coherence.
relevant specific examples
Consider using more specific examples to support your argument. This will help to strengthen your task achievement score.
introduction conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarises the main points of the essay, reflecting well-planned thoughts.
complete response
You have highlighted some of the positive and negative effects of competitiveness, which shows an effort to provide a balanced viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Personal growth
  • Innovation
  • Productivity
  • Economic growth
  • Stress levels
  • Burnout
  • Cutthroat behavior
  • Resilience
  • Ethical considerations
  • Cooperation
  • Mental health issues
  • Capabilities
  • Strive
  • Motivation
  • Competitiveness
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