IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

The internet provides us with info about life and cultures of different countries and some say it is not necessary to visit them to learn about them. Do you agree or disagree?

#internet #info #life #cultures #countries #say #visit
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The
internet
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 gives us a lot of
information
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 about foreign countries and the main habits there.
Furthermore
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, there is a firm belief that it is not obligatory to visit them in order to get acquainted with different cultures.
This
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 essay disagrees with
this
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 statement because of the abundance of disinformation and a lack of relevant data. Nowadays, there is an increasing amount of
information
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 on the
internet
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 which only appears to be true but practically is not always valid. To give more detailed data, even the most popular website and worldwide encyclopedia called 'Wikipedia' had many critical errors in its articles which led to some misunderstandings and
people
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's failures.
Moreover
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, if you get inappropriate and wrong
information
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 which does not make sense, some
people
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 will make a fool of you for the crucial mistake you made.
That is
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 why a significant number of
people
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 think that it is essential to first visit a country and only
then
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 make conclusions rather than trust unreliable websites.
For example
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, recent research showed that only 60% of the
information
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 on the
Internet
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 is actually true which is terrifying since it is impossible to know if the validity is checked.
Additionally
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, some vital data can be missing on the travelling websites which can lead to an individual's dissatisfaction and potential drawbacks. Some
people
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 who learn about foreign cultures
this
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 way would like to visit a foreign country because of the recent article they read;
however
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, the life there might not be as astonishing as it was described in the article.
Moreover
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, when some tourists arrive at their desired destinations, they surprisingly find out that the life quality and happiness index is at an extremely low level which was not mentioned in an article they read, leading to some potentially disastrous diseases and circumstances.
For instance
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, Turkey is described and primarily renowned on the
Internet
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 for its beautiful landscapes and hospitality.
However
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, the terrifying truth is that it surpasses almost all countries in
people
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 theft rate and it is not mentioned on the net. In conclusion,
although
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 surfing the net and trying to get acquainted with foreign countries can sometimes be a beneficial activity, I think that the most proper way of doing it is just by directly going to
this
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 country and experiencing everything yourself.
Submitted by shermadovs on

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task achievement
Ensure all your examples are relevant and directly support your main points. For example, while the example of Turkey's crime rate is thought-provoking, ensure it links directly to the essay's overall argument.
coherence cohesion
While the coherence of the essay is generally good, consider using more varied linking words or phrases to further improve the flow of your essay.
introduction conclusion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The main points are introduced, discussed, and summed up effectively.
task achievement
The author raises insightful points about the limits of online information and the potential need for firsthand experience.
logical structure
Each paragraph logically follows the one before it, maintaining the reader's understanding throughout the essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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