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Writing Samples
Band 8

In many countries it is now illegal to advertise alcohol. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #alcohol
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Adverts for beer, wine, and spirits are now banned in many nations.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with
this
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 policy because
alcohol
Use synonyms
 consumption can lead to serious
health
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 and social problems, and advertising can unfairly influence people to drink more than they should.
To begin
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 with, advertising alcoholic beverages should be banned because
alcohol
Use synonyms
 is harmful to
health
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. Excessive drinking causes several severe conditions, including liver cancer, diabetes, and brain damage.
In addition
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, these
health
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 issues place a significant burden on healthcare systems, causing suffering not only for patients but
also
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 for their families.
For example
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, Russia faced a major problem with alcoholism, which resulted in high rates of
alcohol
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-related deaths among men.
However
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, after banning the promotion of alcoholic beverages on TV and in print media, the country saw a significant reduction in
such
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 cases. Another point to consider is the manipulative nature of
alcohol
Use synonyms
 advertising. The primary goal of marketing campaigns is to sell more products, often without regard for the harm they may cause.
Moreover
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,
alcohol
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 commercials frequently portray drinking as glamorous or desirable, appealing to emotions and status rather than addressing the dangers of overconsumption.
For instance
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, Hennessy advertisements often depict a sophisticated man in a luxurious setting, enjoying a drink with a beautiful woman, creating an illusion of success and elegance.
While
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 some ads include a brief warning to “drink responsibly,” these warnings are typically overshadowed by the enticing visuals. In conclusion,
although
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 opinions on
this
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 issue may differ, I firmly believe that
alcohol
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 is a hazardous product, and advertisers should not be permitted to promote its consumption. For both public
health
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 and ethical reasons, I believe that more countries should implement bans on
alcohol
Use synonyms
 advertising.
Submitted by aaljanini on

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific data or studies to strengthen the claims about health issues related to alcohol consumption.
coherence cohesion
Reinforce the flow of your essay by using more linking phrases.
coherence cohesion
The essay effectively introduces the topic and presents a clear position, which is maintained throughout the essay.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant examples such as the situation in Russia to support the argument effectively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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