IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasize that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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Recently, companies have paid attention to producing brand-new stuff that nobody has seen before in their advertisements. As most people on earth want to be unique and special, they will be attracted to new ideas. I believe that the negative impacts
this
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 task can have on nowadays world are so considerable. Folks in the new generation have become more thoughtful.
Therefore
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, they want to be special and number one at anything.
Nevertheless
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, they will be absorbed in new ideas and special products.
For example
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, Hailey Bieber manufactured a simple lip gloss with a brilliant idea. She decided to make a lip gloss that would be suited to a mobile frame. So, women can reach their beauty products whenever they want.
This
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 merchandise resulted in one of the most-selling lip glosses in ten years.
As a result
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, the products which were advertised in a different way can operate more successfully.
While
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 emphasizing
showing
Verb problem
apply
show examples
that some stuff is new is somehow creative, I suppose we cannot ignore the side effects
this
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 task will have on society. Since the bourgeois think that the advertised produce is unique, a large majority of them buy the stuff to show off.
For instance
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, Cartier launched a normal purse but used multiple colours on billboards to advertise it.
Then
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, people went to buy it even though they did not need that purse.
Furthermore
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, there can be other better ways to advertise an output rather than manipulate customers. In conclusion, these days a big proportion of businesses tend to create a fantasy imagination in their customer’s minds by just showing that their crop is somehow new.
However
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,
this
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 way can help them sell more, in my opinion, it has terrible effects on human minds.

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task achievement
Try to provide a clearer thesis statement in the introduction that outlines both parts of the question.
coherence and cohesion
Consider improving the transitions between paragraphs to enhance the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Be cautious with vocabulary and phrasing; using less informal expressions can strengthen your argument.
task achievement
You provide specific examples, like the lip gloss and the Cartier purse, which support your points effectively.
task achievement
Your ideas are relevant to the topic, and you have a clear stance on the issue.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Innovation
  • Fast-paced
  • Distinguishing
  • Psychological aspect
  • Inherently
  • Perceived
  • Continuous improvement
  • Revolutionary
  • Feasible
  • Throwaway culture
  • Undervalue
  • Longevity
  • Obscure
  • Novelty
  • Unsatisfactory
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