IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Many governments think that economic progress is their most important goal. Some people, however, think that other types of progress are equally important for a country. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#governments #progress #people #country
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We are living in an era where the
economy
Use synonyms
 plays an important role in everything around us. Some people, including me, believe that the goals of authorities should not be just economic developments
although
Linking Words
 some think it is the aspect that requires the most attention.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, in our rapidly evolving world, education and culture are as important as the
economy
Use synonyms
. Some individuals hold the view that we should not prioritise the
economy
Use synonyms
 over other sections
such
Linking Words
 as health care and education. Simply put, major actions should be implemented to develop each part of
society
Use synonyms
 equally.
For example
Linking Words
, some countries may considered as developed countries in terms of
economy
Use synonyms
, but when it comes to cultural and educational programmes they are not rich enough. In fact,
this
Linking Words
 might happen
as a result
Linking Words
 of allocating the budget and attention just to economic development. In
such
Linking Words
 countries, people may lose their cultural identity and feel frustration in their lives.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, there are some perspectives that the more the
economy
Use synonyms
 progresses, the more facilities will be in
society
Use synonyms
. Money can affect all aspects of our lives ranging from the amenities provided by parents for their children to housing, social services, and even protecting natural habitat.
Consequently
Linking Words
, it can foster happiness in
society
Use synonyms
 and lead to happier citizens.
Moreover
Linking Words
, crime rates and poverty lines could be mitigated if people have more income which might not happen except by economic developments. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 views differ about
this
Linking Words
 matter of whether governments should base their goals just on economic progress or not, I believe it is wise for them to pay attention to different parts of
society
Use synonyms
 equally because civilization will not work properly without good education and culture.
Submitted by shirin_abedi73 on

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task achievement
Consider expanding your examples to provide more specific evidence supporting your viewpoint. This will help strengthen your arguments and make your essay more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly. Although you have a good structure, enhancing the use of linking words could improve cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets the stage effectively, and the conclusion clearly summarizes your views, reflecting a well-rounded piece.
task achievement
You have effectively discussed both views and presented a balanced perspective with clear reasoning.
coherence cohesion
Logical progression of ideas with clear main points supported in each paragraph.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • sustainable development
  • social equality
  • environmental degradation
  • cultural heritage
  • technological innovation
  • wealth disparity
  • human development index
  • holistic approach
  • quality of life
  • economic prosperity
  • healthcare system
  • education system
  • cultural diversity
  • policy decisions
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