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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

the graph below shows the average closing prices of selected precious metals from 2013 to 2021.

the graph below shows the average closing prices of selected precious metals from 2013 to 2021.
#prices #metals
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The line graph depicts the average
price
Use synonyms
 history of all precious metals
such
Linking Words
 as
gold
Use synonyms
, platinum, and
palladium
Use synonyms
 between 2013 and 2021.
Overall
Linking Words
, all three metal
prices
Use synonyms
 per ounce increased from second
last
Linking Words
 to
last
Linking Words
 year. Despite the platinum
price
Use synonyms
had
Verb problem
being
show examples
 higher
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
initially
Linking Words
, was declined
at the end
Linking Words
, and
palladium
Use synonyms
prices
Use synonyms
 showed a dramatic raised from initial to end. Both
gold
Use synonyms
 and
palladium
Use synonyms
prices
Use synonyms
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
fluctuated
during
Change preposition
from
show examples
 2013 to 2016. The
gold
Use synonyms
price
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
sttarted
Correct your spelling
started
 from just under 1500
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
 in 2013 and gained to
approximately
Add an article
the approximately
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
price
Use synonyms
 in 2016.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the
palladium
Use synonyms
price
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
started
from
Change preposition
at
show examples
 approximately 750 dollars in 2013,
then
Linking Words
raised
Verb problem
rose
show examples
 and again fell back to
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
price
Use synonyms
. After 2016, both metal
prices
Use synonyms
 had steadily increased;
gold
Use synonyms
priced
Replace the word
prices
show examples
 reached up to just around 2000
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
 and pallidum
Use synonyms
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
raised
Verb problem
rose
show examples
 up to almost 1800 dollars, respectively. The
price
Use synonyms
 of platinum had significantly declined from 2013 to 2019.
The
Change the word
Its
show examples
 starting
price
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
was 1500
dollar
Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
show examples
 in 2013, after that
substanial
Correct your spelling
substantial
 reduction occurred and
end
Wrong verb form
ended
show examples
 up
half
Add a missing verb
being half
show examples
 of its initial
price
Use synonyms
 in 2019.
However
Linking Words
, the
price
Use synonyms
 of it was slightly increased up to just below and just above 1000 dollars in 2020 and 2021, respectively.
Submitted by mahmushtaq on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words price, gold, palladium, prices with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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