IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The best way to provide enough homes in large cities is to build tall apartment blocks. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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There is no denying the fact that homes in large
cities
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that the greatest method to build more houses in a huge state is to construct high
buildings
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.
To begin
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 with, urban design and the capital look beautiful.
In other words
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, tall
buildings
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 give a downtown an amazing view .
In addition
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, it includes enough apartments for a lot of people.
For example
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, New York
center
Verb problem
is
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 one of the best
cities
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 in the world
due to
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 having more large
buildings
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, which makes one of attractive destination for tourists. Another point to consider, it is wonderful for the economy of
cities
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. It is possible to say that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 big bulding good for the economy of countries
due to
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 it increase
their
Correct determiner usage
the
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 income of
cities
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,
Punctuation problem
;
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moreover
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, more people can have a place to live in , and many firms can rent offices.
For instance
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, Rotterdam has the largest building and in the Netherlands, where a lot of people live, and many companies are located in tall apartment and that one of benefit for large
buildings
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.
Also
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, many shops and supermarkets open
due to
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 the city becoming very busy and crowded.
However
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, it makes the place a little bit noisy ,
although
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 it is an opportunity
to begin
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 live with friendly and environmentally
city
Correct word choice
friendly city
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.
To sum up
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, there are no easy answers to
this
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 question. On balance,
however
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, I tend to believe that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 the fantastic way to evidence enough houses in enlarge area is to install new tall
buildings
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the downtown appears shining.

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Overall score: 5
Your essay has a clear plan and some good ideas, but it does not answer the full question well enough. The main points need clearer support, and many sentences are hard to understand.
Task response
Answer “to what extent” in the first part. Say clearly: “I mostly agree” or “I partly agree.” Then keep this view in every paragraph.
Task response
Focus on the key idea: how to provide enough homes. Some ideas, like a beautiful city view and tourists, are not very close to the question.
Task response
Explain why tall blocks give more homes: they use less land and can house many families in one small area.
Task response
Add one other side of the view. For example, tall blocks can be costly, crowded, or may not be good for all families. Then say why you still agree, or why you only partly agree.
Task response
Make examples clear and true. Instead of saying New York is good because of tall buildings, explain how many people can live in one tall block.
Coherence and cohesion
Make each body paragraph have one clear main idea. Paragraph 1 can be about land and space. Paragraph 2 can be about cost, crowding, and your final view.
Coherence and cohesion
Use shorter sentences. Some long sentences join too many ideas, so the meaning is not clear.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words only when they fit. “However” should show a clear opposite idea. Here, the point about noise does not link well to the next idea.
Coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion direct. Do not write “there are no easy answers.” Say your view again and give the two main reasons in one or two short sentences.
Useful plan
Intro: I mostly agree. Body 1: Tall blocks use less land and give homes to many people. Body 2: They also have problems, but good planning can make them safe and pleasant. Conclusion: Therefore, tall blocks are a main answer, but they should be built with parks, schools, and transport.
Task response
You give a clear main view: you agree that tall homes can help large cities.
Task response
You use two main reasons: tall blocks can hold many people, and they can help city business.
Task response
You give examples from New York and Rotterdam.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
You use some linking words, such as “To begin with”, “In addition”, “For example”, and “To sum up”.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • housing shortage = not enough homes for people
  • apartment block = a large building with many flats
  • high-rise building = a very tall building
  • limited land = not much land available
  • population growth = the number of people increases
  • urban spread = the city grows into outer areas
  • public transport = buses, trains, and metro systems
  • living conditions = the quality of daily life at home
  • city planning = the way a city is designed and managed
  • green space = parks and open natural areas
  • daily needs = things people need every day
  • costly land = land that is very expensive
  • mixed housing = different kinds of homes in one area
  • sense of community = the feeling of belonging with neighbors
  • traffic pressure = too many cars on the roads
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